Sandra’s “Care so much that we don’t care”
It means that we care so much that we are willing to feel into ALL our feelings around whatever it is that we care about and that when we’ve done that, the inner peace is so profound that we have surrendered the outcome (that’s the don’t care part.) Gosh it’s hard to find the right words for this!
In this space, we step into / flow into / become a part of that energy that is at the heart of what I call the Paradox – the rightness behind the wrongness. There are limitless possibilities when we’re in this space. The problem can simply disappear (it certainly no longer looks like a “problem”). A flood of profound understanding can happen about ourselves or others, which brings an automatic deep acceptance with it. Sometimes it’s healing. Sometimes it’s creating something new or different and we’ll notice that “coincidences” happen to bring us what we’re looking for.
The key is a willingness to notice and understand ALL the threads of whatever it is that we care so much about, which includes our feelings and limiting beliefs.
How Caroline experiences The Paradox
How I experience the Paradox
It all starts with a problem. It could be any problem, big or small. Usually something that needs a little extra help to get to the bottom of…. to get the answer to.
How I ‘USE’ the Paradox. It starts in my mind with a visual. I see a time line, running left to right. On the left side is the problem, and on the right is the answer to the problem, but as yet I don’t know what that is or what it looks like. I can see the problem on the left clearly.
The Middle point, where the lines meet, will be the place where I discover the answer, get the ‘AHA’, understand, my insight. The Middle point is the Paradox.
How that Paradox point feels. Using my Feels, and it could be any one of them that pops up to guide me, or a combination of some, or all of them. When that Paradox moment happens, it feels like I’m sitting in a space of deep peace and contentment. I sit in that space, sort of like a bubble around me, soaking up, absorbing the yumminess of it, allowing all the understanding to soak in. My brain feels lighter, I have clarity… the how to… the what to do to resolve the problem, if there really is a problem to resolve, sometimes, the problem just disappears with nothing to do, but its the same feeling, my brain feels lighter. It’s a moment of pure understanding.
I feel energised, sort of tingly vibrating cells ready to put into action anything I need to do, and it is still the same feeling if there is nothing to do, and I can then just get on doing something else.
I’m aware that my breathing is a little deeper and a little slower, I notice a smiley feeling, I notice the ripples of energy or tingles around my body. I notice a happiness that comes with understanding, that comes with the answer to the problem. I recognise that the problem was perfect, it was just there letting me know that something wasn’t right for me, and it showed up to guide me to do something different. And the difference would be to actually do something different or to see something differently, to have a different perspective.
I notice the visuals running through my mind, which for me is the two lines touching in the middle, with a spark where they meet, surrounded by brilliant light, sort of like a fusion. I notice the problem line on the left, and the answer line on the right. It’s a time line for me, because once the Paradox happens, the problem line is in the past, and the answer line flows forward into the future.
I like to sit and notice everything, because the Paradox moment feels soooo good. Sitting in this space, it kind of expands around me. I can feel and see the threads of understanding, rippling out in all areas of my life, and right then and there, everything is perfect and connected…. And perfectly connected.
From Chris, they’ve just had news that her brother is seriously ill at the moment and she was feeling quite upset about it.
Just wanted to let you know I won’t be joining this Thursday session, not because we’re so upset with the news that Eric’s brother’s cancer has spread and there’s not much time left, but because I was particularly drawn to Caroline’s Paradox problem/solution exercise. It gave me the deepest peace I’ve ever experienced and I want to hold this sacred space for the entire family as long as it lasts, and then find it again. This gift couldn’t have occurred at a more perfect time and our many thanks to everyone for such magnificent guidance.
Sending you all this wonderful energy,
The pitfalls of diagnosis
Someone asked me earlier in the clinic about what did I think was wrong with their horse and I replied with ” I don’t do diagnosis” and told a story that amply demonstrated the pitfalls of using my testing for diagnosis.
This morning (Monday as I write this) I was reminded of the pitfalls of diagnosis with Goldie. I thought I could feel a growth down low in the front of her chest the other day and as I was observing her breathing this morning, I could see that she was pulling air in and out as if past a growth obstructing her breath.
Is my “seeing” her breath in that way a desire to want to be right with my original diagnosis? i.e. the sarcoids activated and cancer developing? Is there any opportunity that I’m missing by having that focus on a diagnosis? Is it a self fulfilling prophecy? i.e. am I creating that? What fear/s is behind my desire to KNOW what’s going “wrong” with her? Every felt, noticed, acknowledged and addressed fear, brings me into a deeper connection with All that Is / God / the universe / that energy I feel when I’m in the heart of the Paradox.
You can even hear the worry / overwhelm in my questions hey? I don’t do overwhelm very often these days, so this has been an opportunity to clean up some nooks and crannies of my own! I had to breathe and notice everything about what I was feeling, be systematically curious about all those thoughts and questions that were running in my mind and then came flowing the feeling / energy that is at the heart of the rightness behind the wrongness of the Paradox.
Also I made that diagnosis stuff far too complicated. It’s really rather simple. When I diagnose or even when I focus on an expert’s diagnosis, I am narrowing my focus and risking missing all the opportunities that are built into every being’s healing.
I want to notice ALL the threads behind what she’s experiencing, so we can step into that limitless possibility.
From your latest post it sounds like others are also experiencing healing/releases/answers during sleep. The other night I woke with a very tight “fist” of energy stuck right in my solar plexus and no idea what it might be about (no memory of bad dreams or daytime stress). Exploring the sensation with gentle curiosity revealed it was a resistance to being in this body/world, with an underlying worry that nothing was really quite safe or secure. Generally my mood trends somewhere between contentment and peace overall, so asked if this was mine and received that it was a very deep and largely suppressed emotion that both my horse “Poppy” and I had in common.
Wouldn’t you know Poppy let me film our initial video without the slightest sign of concern at my approach, but this morning she was back to her apprehensive self. Being able to identify with the latest comments on fears of getting it wrong, I decided to shift the responsibility of how our relationship should proceed to Poppy. Immediately I thought of the video of the experienced horsewoman (sorry I can’t recall her name) working with the fidgety-nippy gelding. So it took about 20 minutes, but I very gradually backed my way over to Poppy and either stood still, or casually moved a bit further away, whenever she turned her head to look at me. Poppy became more relaxed and never moved off, until I reached her shoulder and she turned to sniff at me. I didn’t try to pet, and without turning to face her, placed a hand on her neck and waited for some time. Then I moved away entirely and just watched Poppy from a distance and she did a lot of yawning and releasing. While I want to become a good and trustworthy leader for her, it made sense to me that Poppy first needed to become completely unconcerned by my presence. Not a very dramatic start, and a video would have been unbelievably boring, but that’s where we are in the moment.
Always feel free to share any of my ramblings. I’m getting so many surprising ah-ha moments from this course; many thanks to you and all the other participants!
Me: I wouldn’t be downplaying the value of non drama lol! Brilliantly done with Poppy. It never ceases to amaze me the “simple” tasks or experiences where stress and trauma is held. All the great horsemasters will tell you that the solution to everything is found in the foundation and that has soooo been my experience. They’re coming at it from a training point of view and I’m coming at it from healing point of view, but the principle is the same.
Here’s your mission, should you choose to accept it. Read or watch something about the five different ways of feeling and next time you’re walking up to Poppy, notice what you’re feeling like inside (re those five ways) and notice what happens BEFORE she turns her head to look at you. It will be subtle. It might be worth doing some breathing and feeling inside yourself and just enjoying that, before you start that approach and retreat with her.
And yes it’s excellent to post this. It’s important to remind everyone that it is almost always the simple daily tasks that have held the stress and tension that are contributing to whatever “problems” the horse is experiencing.
Me to everyone: Shall I write that again, or can you just repeat the reading lol!
Again – these resources aren’t meant to drown you in things to do. Scan them, know they’re available to come back to if you need them.
I’ve broken the Key to the Kingdom of Horses video into three sections to make it easier to go back and watch the bit that’s relevant to each of you.
We did a feel-good problem solving seminar a while back. I was thinking that the first part of it, where I talk about the five feels, is the part that’s most useful.
WOW! What an eye opener- your discussion of what’s going with Goldie really hit me between the eyes. Between dealing with Tigger and then Annie (similar situations to Goldie) added to Susan’s constant stream of problem horses I have gotten extremely gun-shy of horses with “problems” that cause them to be suffering. When I can, I prefer to let go of the need to control, realizing it’s their call to stay or leave and its up to me to support it with grace/acceptance/joy instead of overwhelm and distress. If they decide to stay I’m all for “Try as hard as you can to save them” BUT it’s not my decision to control.
That brought up “What is a miracle?” I suspect many folks consider a miracle to be the unlikely/impossible outcome that they want to have happen, which may not actually be the miracle, the best of all possible outcomes for whomever we’re concerned about. I’ve always been afraid of the “life above everything” philosophy; love without mercy, love without 2 way Feel, can have some truly horrendous outcomes. Honestly, it’s a miracle we now have quiet and pain free ways to help our 4 legged friends on to the next step in their journey when they are ready.
I think about Peach’s experience last summer- when all the treatment options had been exhausted and she really wasn’t better, Amy (my vet) and I were talking about “what now?” Amy said maybe it was time for her to go to see Jesus as she was still so very very lame. I agreed, I didn’t want Peach to go on that way but I also realized it was up to Peach to let me know what she wanted. Moreover, I’d contacted you about her and after Amy and I talked I went and just hung with Peach and told her I loved her and that it would be terrific if she came home but if she wanted to go I’d help. My definition of the miracle was that I let go and let Peach let me know what she wanted. She wanted to come home, at which point an old racetrack remedy came to mind- I did it and the next day she was just barely limping. The miracle was that all the vets and techs supported Peach in every way they could, even though Peach wasn’t very well behaved at many points. The miracle was all of us working together in hope. The miracle was not- “oh goodie I wanted Peach to be healed and she is.”
Don’t know that I said all this right, but…. Peach and I are holding space for Goldie.
From me back to Adriane: Lovely Adriane and you’re REALLY holding space when you’re clear on and feel the rightness of her choosing. You said “She (Peaches) wanted to come home, at which point an old racetrack remedy came to mind – I did it and the next day she was just barely limping.” Do you think that was coincidence? Because you had changed your distress about what was happening and found your center so that the answer, i.e. the right support COULD come through. THAT is what happens when your Mental Feel is working properly. THAT is the miracle.
Adriane’s answer: Nope, no coincidence at all. I hadn’t thought about the Furacin/DMSO sweat for decades, either. Sure did the trick – along with everything else!
I asked Adriane what that old racetrack remedy was, so we could add it to our tool box.
You mean the furacin/DMSO sweat? For inflammation/ stocked up legs. Also for cellulitis and lymphangitis, although with those you also have antibiotics and Bute or Banamine.
1. You just grab a glob of DMSO (I use the gel, but there is liquid that you’d have to mix in a container) and mix it with a glob of Nitrofurazone (Furacin was the original label but there’s lots now) and slather it all over the leg and rub it in. Should use gloves, but I never have.
2. Then wrap the leg with one layer of Cling film (Saran Wrap/ don’t know what you call it down there :D).
3. Then wrap with your normal pressure bandage. Mine was about 3/4 of a big roll of sheet cotton, then VetWrap. You can do it with straight DMSO but it bothers some horses so I always put the Furacin in with it. 24 hours and if it’s like Peach then 24 hours of just pressure bandage then 24 hours with the sweat again.
Some update 🙂
Had a pause during the weekend and it is in the pause it happens. Have had a very good happy feeling with the horses, my husband and me. Also had some releasing. My dad told me what he experienced as he arrived to say farwell to his youngest brother. He has wrote everything down and it is a very beautiful poem. And the next morning when thinking of it I started to crye, and it is about how hard changes can be, but if we sit in the “golden wagon”, that my father wrote, the wagon that was there to bring my onkel to a new place, the changes can be very beautiful. I would love to see the changeplaces as a golden wagoon that takes us to a new place in life.
When it comes to Jeremiha I have been in a QM about his eczema and it was very calm around it. But I was drawn to his hooves and they are not too strong and he can be a bit sore when walking on gravel. As I was out with them this morning he came and asked for some scratching, but that didn´t feel the right thing to do. I was drawn to hold my hand over his neck and scanned it, stopped for a while as he blinked with his eyea. I moved away. He came up beside me and asked for scratching between his hind legs. I was drawn to hold my hand there, not touching him. And as I stood there I became clear to me that he has bad circulation in his body, he has some stuckness so the energy can´t circulate as it is meant to. Specially in his hind. As I stood there he went inside himself and his stomach started to talk.
When coming inside and started to write it down I felt the energy run through my hands and that I will run the energy through my hands to help him. I know that when standing there with him I will get the guidance of what to do. When thinking of it I feel calm and relaxed. So looking forward to see where that will bring us, and that I am curious about 💖
Love from Anna-Karin
Me: Ahhh let’s talk in class about the energy running through your hands.
From Kim with Harmony
Kim has had a great insight about her personal health – woohoo! Then she continued with an idea for Harmony that Harmony sure likes the sound of.
I went out and did the approach and retreat, as you recommended, with Harmony and she responded well to it. As I was feeling into what might be the best approach to help her get over the tightness in her back, it occurred to me that the Feldenkrais ATMs have been helping me tremendously with opening up the compression in *my* spine. What if I did those lessons in her presence while holding space for her? It was actually pretty interesting and she was doing a lot of licking and chewing.
When Kim’s been able to apply her personal insight, she’ll have a “feel” clear for doing this with Harmony. Kim has researched and shared some free Feldenkrais lessons that work on decompressing the spine. Brilliant stuff Feldenkrais. Click here for a separate page on Feldenkrais.
Also, she shared that “slide the tailbone down” thing with her husband Mark, who reports that he’s been playing with it the last couple of days and has found it transforming. He said it makes him feel solid over his feet, and it makes walking more effortless.
I am not working with Willow very much, but I sure must be working on ME!
This past weekend we held the memorial service for Granny Evangeline (my 93 year-old, mother-in-law). All of the grandchildren and great-grandchildren were there. That meant all my family were back at the ranch. The service was very moving and filled with warm memories. Granny was very well respected in our community and this was evidenced by the large turn out of folks at the service and luncheon. The service was organized by my brother-in-law to include many family members. There were huge donations of food and a whole array of flowers. It was an abundant outpouring of love and respect.
The most amazing thing to me, was, how calm and peaceful I felt. I was not stressed about the service, the kids being here (although I did have a few moments of NQR when the car acted up and I had to find my son another ride to get out to the ranch), or even the Sweet 16 birthday party I hosted for my eldest granddaughter, the evening after the service. I was so organized and good at delegation, I even had time to do a “rest my nerves” / Quiet Mind in the afternoon between events. I just felt so assured that all was going well. Perhaps Granny WAS an Angel Among Us (one of the musicians sang that at the service) that helped me to reach that calm and contented feeling of “All is Well in My World.”
Today’s meeting was very different and very educational for me. I saw how you used the one topic to bring everyone into the conversation. I truly feel, as someone on the call said, “lighter”, perhaps, because I’ve changed my neural pathways! As I spoke with you about the implications of what I felt the first time we looked with curiosity at what the Goldie saga is guiding each of us to, I am feeling much more trust in LIFE going FORWARD. My former pessimistic, “I must prepare for every negative possibility” is getting fainter. I am looking forward with optimism. I am soaking up the moments when I feel reassurance, calm, peacefulness, all is well.
Now, tomorrow, if the weather permits, I’m going to go visit the mares again. I’m curious to see if they will find me a different creature, with whom they will WANT to hang out. Since ¾ are inclined to withhold their approval, it will be interesting to see their reaction.
I am very interested to read your revelations and those of others, in the message that will no doubt come soon.
With curiosity, Kelly