I just love reading the stories that come over my desk. The lady who wrote this one, Loana, had a session on Magic here with me a few months back and released a heap of very old trauma and pain.
Her horse who has recently been renamed Apache, has a long history of being considered difficult, which happens to so many horses who are courageous enough to stand up and say “there is a better way”.
My own horse Bobby has the same kind of courage for what I suspect is the same kind of reasons.
This story is so beautiful, with her permission, I just had to share it with you.
Sorry I know you’re busy but I just have to tell you! I just did a glass course (I know you’re thinking what the hell is this girl on about, what the hell has glass got to do with anything)
WELL long story short, we had to choose 2 words on the first day which would be reflected in our piece [her creation in glass] (something I had NEVER DONE) so I chose Courage and Freedom.
The next day we had to bring photos that represented our two words so of course I took in photos of Apache and I explained how I needed a shit load of courage to get on Apache and ride him in order to feel the true sense of freedom for on his back is the ONLY time I truly have ever felt free then the flip side I needed freedom of certain things and thoughts and feelings in order to get the courage to get on him.
So I went on the whole story. I spent 6 days focusing on Apache and Me and the courage and freedom whilst I created this piece.
I started to see path ways where Apache and I had ridden together and I journeys we have been on. This piece became Apache and I so much.
On the 7th day we had to cut the top of the piece to flatten and even the edge. The risk though was “it could have broken”.
The first guy went to cut his and his piece had shattered.
Ok so at this stage I walked out and sat in silence and solitude wondering how I will I cope if the story of Apache and I once again was shattered.
The instructor saw I was struggling with this whole situation and asked what I had intended to do with my piece? Would I be cutting it? I explained the the journey Apache and I had been on and that I really didn’t think I could cope emotionally if the piece broke because to me it now somehow became Apache and I and our story.
I cried and cried. I thought if this piece breaks that’s it, I’d have to start all over again for yet another time, just like I have done with Apache so many times before.
After a couple of hours I decided I would cut my piece and take the chance……….
I cut the piece and he stood by my side every second of the way and at one point he said “breathe” OMG I had stopped. I looked at him and a tear fell and I smiled.
I finished cutting the piece and I said to him THANK YOU for being there. I explained to him that when I get nervous around Apache I stop breathing and all my friends are always saying “BREATHE” so when you said that, something just clicked and I breathed and let go and enjoyed the journey.
He said that piece was SCREAMING out at you CUT ME CUT ME. It wanted and needed you to do it……………..
So now I wonder does Apache need and want me to push through take a risk with him and just trust that we are going to be OK? Will he let go of past events if I let go? Will he forgive me for all the wrong I have done to him for not being a strong leader for him? So on and so forth……………….
Anyway just had to tell you about it.
Oh and also I did an Apache dream board which has sooooo many photos of all the amazing times I have had with Apache, my rides, The cuddles, the day I trained him to be rugged when everyone else had failed. It has helped me focus on all the good times rather than focus on the few bad times. I’ll send you a photo of it. It has help me so much. It’s in front of my computer where I work and every few seconds I look at them and smile.
Anyway Once again off on a rant again aren’t I? Sorry but I just had to tell you.
Me: Don’t ever apologize for writing to me with amazing stories. And Loana, I know that you will get those questions answered next week when you start on the horse side of your journey with your lesson with Apache. I am looking forward to the trip over the mountain to meet him.
I am not a fan of taking risks, it seems too much like ignoring fear to sit comfortably with me, but what I do know is that horses don’t care how many mistakes we’ve made, they just care about what we are doing now – and all that old crap, even trauma, can be released and then you can start afresh.
And the kind of confidence that brings to both horse and person is beyond mere “trust”.