Holding Space is the exact opposite of what I call an Escalating Upset. This example is quite different to Holding Space in Oliver’s circumstances , but I’ll talk a little at the end of this excerpt, to explain how this applies to Oliver’s Lesson.
HOW OUR UNSPOKEN “STUFF” BECOMES SOMEONE ELSE’S REALITY AND HOW TO CHANGE THAT – ANOTHER INSIGHT WITH ENORMOUS IMPLICATIONS
From Sam’s session onwards, pieces of the puzzle were tumbling into place both in healing sessions and when I was working with my own feelings to find out what my soul wanted me to know.
This next story led to the insight about how our unspoken “stuff” – thoughts and feelings – can become someone else’s reality and how we can change that. This is the situation that led me to realize how not listening to the messages from our soul in our interaction with someone else, can escalate over and over again into actual conflict. In fact, this situation, coming so soon after the other stories here, led me to realize that peace on earth in our lifetimes was possible.
This insight came when Fred was telling me about a lady friend who was ringing him for advice about a horse that she was really frustrated with.
This lady’s horse was giving her grief in such a way that Fred could see the ugly progression that was likely to happen to the horse. Sold off as unmanageable, going through the sales a few times, maybe lucky enough to be bought by someone who knows how to fix what’s going wrong, but most likely to end up in a can of dog food eventually. That’s what happens to most problem horses.
So, here he is, listening to her, trying to be encouraging about the things that sound OK, because that’s the kind of person Fred is and wants to be, someone who is kind and encouraging. But underneath, Fred is thinking “bloody hell, why don’t you just do it properly? I’ve explained that Jenny’s clinics train you to connect with your horse in such a way that problems like these are easily overcome. Why don’t you just come and do a clinic with Jenny and sort it out? And why the bloody hell do you ring me for advice and then never take it? It makes me so frustrated!”
As Fred was talking, I got a clear vision of what was happening.
Fred was saying a bunch of nice words with his mouth, but underneath there was a whole bunch of frustrated and angry thoughts.
His lady friend was sensing these unspoken angry emotions AS IF THEY WERE HER OWN. She was already frustrated and angry with her horse and then she added Fred’s unspoken anger and frustration to hers and then she felt reee…ally
angry and frustrated. And when she didn’t do anything about her feelings of anger and frustration either, then Fred sensed those unspoken / un-acted on feelings AS IF THEY WERE FRED’S OWN and then they escalated what FRED was already feeling.
And the escalation of what was originally a minor upset, kept happening until they both got off the phone having had a very unsatisfying phone call (that’s the classic Aussie understatement!), both cross with each other and neither understanding what just happened – because neither of them understood the impact of their unspoken thoughts and un-acted on feelings on the other person.
No way was this lady ever going to be able to take Fred’s advice under those circumstances – she was too busy defending herself against the yucky feelings that she was experiencing that were Fred’s unspoken criticism. And then she got off the phone totally unaware of why she was resisting Fred’s advice.
As I understood this, I could see how people could actually come to blows about these escalating upsets. Wow. And then to see how world leaders came to wars the same way …
… And to see how we can truly have peace on earth in our lifetime…
THE PHENOMENON OF “ESCALATING UPSETS”
READ THIS DIAGRAM FROM THE BOTTOM TO THE TOP
So, how could either one of them, have handled this differently? I’ll do it from Fred’s perspective, because it only takes one person to understand this process and act on it – to not only defuse it, but give the best result possible.
As Fred felt that annoyance and even anger rising up in him, he could have paused for a moment and he could have asked himself:
1. Whose annoyance / anger / frustration is this?
2. What do I need to know or do about it?
3. Has it all gone yet? If the frustration and anger had not lessened at all with the answers Fred came up with, then they would not have been the message his soul was trying to give him. If the feelings got less but did not disappear altogether, then there would still have been something for Fred to know or do. So he would repeat the first two questions until all the frustration and anger had gone.
The answer to those questions would have been his soul’s communication to him about how to get what he wanted.
And what Fred wanted was be a useful friend to this lady and to save this lovely little horse from the consequences of bad behavior with humans. So the answer he would have gotten from asking The Questions, would not only have stopped the cycle of frustration and anger with each other, it would have produced the outcomes he wanted too.
Back to me talking in July 2016.
When you are Holding Space in Inner Awareness, you are doing the opposite of escalating your horse or human friend when they’re in trouble. When you take your attention inside yourself to Inner Awareness, then you are bypassing all your own old history and feeling for the TRUTH of what’s happening for them. And the truth seems to me to very often that the process of what they are going through right now is simply perfect for their journey and will bring them great peace, progress and/or joy in their lives when the process is finished.
So I want to SUPPORT that process, not get in it’s way. And I want to know when to do nothing, when to just anchor them to my feeling good by Holding Space and when I need to know or do something else to support them.
If I am in Inner Awareness with my soft smiling ahhh eyes, then any feeling other than me feeling good, will just be a message for how I can best support this horse/ this person through this time of change. Does that make sense?
I look forward to conversation on the forum exploring other people’s experience with this! Click here to go to this lesson the forum. Use your own User Name and password first if you need to (tick the box to stay logged in if you haven’t already) and then the password to Oliver’s Diary section of the forum is … spirit.