Susie was with us here from New Zealand for five days and arrived home yesterday. I thought that what she has written is a bit personal for public consumption, but she wrote it for you who are considering the spiritual course this morning. It appears she will be joining us!
I have just spent some time with Jenny and her fabulous team.
I came from a place of struggling with myself physically because of injuries, surgeries, restrictions. (Jenny: Aussie’s don’t have “understatement” as their own personal property – obviously New Zealanders do too. Sue had her pelvis smashed up a long time ago and earlier this year had two hip replacements – one of them 3 times in just weeks because of major problems with the original surgery. See what I mean about understatement?)
I came from a place of struggling with myself emotionally and mentally because even before all that stuff I wasn’t confident and now there were “real” excuses for feeling it was all impossibly too much.
And so I came from a place of struggling with the physical and emotional fears of how to do what I desperately wanted to do yet felt on a bad day completely incapable of and on a good day partially incapable.
I had lost the fun with my horses, they had lost the fun of doing things with me. I felt there was no point …. so I also came from a place of spiritual struggle.
I have already done some work with Jenny and decided to ask for help. : ) Kinda seemed sometimes like I’d asked for a boot up the bum .. but hey !! whats the point of going to someone who isn’t going to be honest, especially if that means facing up to one’s self.
So Jenny and her ‘team’, her horses and my horses, just accepted me as I was and gently gave me the means of seeing all the “ahh haa’s” that I could handle.
Light Bulbs everywhere : )
That was once I learnt to see that even though I had been following along with Bobby’s advice about comfort zone and stepping back somehow I was STILL powering on through.
I think its rather like when you decide to clean up … first you get rid of the dirty mugs and plates and then clear the books and papers.. oh better vacuum the floor … oh oh better wash the lino… uhooh better do the dusting .. see I’ve done the cleaning … oh no … look at the windows !!!
It’s like you don’t see all that to start with so … yup I picked up the dirty dishes – so haven’t I done a good job?
Well I guess I had done.
However, with Jenny holding the space and the horses help I was able to PAUSE pause long enough to see why perhaps I wasn’t seeing what else was there, pausing long enough to check out me and the horse …
Oh yes and then she’d ask a question .. and then how come that makes one fall to bits – yet that is the very way I was able to see what was holding me back – where or what certain fears were. And I was so then able to see Not Quite Right and so ask the questions and find out what to do.
Doing that on that very simple physical level, taking the time, made it so accessible and clear.
Taking the time and applying it in such slow motion, made me acutely aware of how much one can learn on one’s own and yet how much more opens up with a mentor who shows you the pace and the place.
Taking the time (with Jenny) made me acutely aware of how easily on my own I had thought “oh that’s ok, now best get on and do something.” “Now I need to …xyz…”
Taking the time is about BEing with the horse.
Well I had always felt I had to do that in secret , cos it wasn’t acceptable, wasn’t part of what a dressage / jumping/ riding lesson, wasn’t what I saw around me on rides or at shows or with other people .
So I had kind of hidden it and blocked it , made it so private that in actual fact I had constricted myself so much I was having a hard time doing anything . That meant that I wasn’t being true to myself and that meant my fears and all that subconcious junk had sooo much freedom over what I was doing.
Well guess what … I dont feel like that any more !!! : )
I have so much more understanding and so many more tools in place ( if I care to use them and its only me that can apply them ) that I feel in a completely different place.
I was excited to go out to see my horses.. they came running to me … wohooooo.. instead of standing and looking … and today we played hard and BOTH enjoyed it.
Maybe there is hope for me yet …. Ha ha .. that’s written by the person before I did this … now I know there is no “hope” … just life and even fun too ! EeeeeK !
with love and gratitude
p.s. When learning new stuff, however freeing and fantastic, its So easy to fall under the habit of what you used to do, especially when on your own. That’s where working on a programme with others over a period of time will be SO helpful , encouraging and supportive all at the same time.
Jenny again: Sue left here walking straight on her new hips AND in her comfort zone in the saddle AND with the know-how of how to find her comfort zone in the saddle with her own horses, should she choose that direction. And all the work was “horse work”. Wow, the power of that…