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My after seminar thoughts
1. I’m just making sure that nobody hears my talking about the OK’ness of the aplha horse and runs out to explore that leadership style. You could get more than you bargained for with a sensitive or defensive horse having a BIG reaction! It’s the CONFLICT that it set up in me by making it wrong, that has got in my way and there’s a recognition that there are circumstances where I MIGHT use that leadership style.
2. The guy I’m having lessons with talked about the the young horse from foal onwards, exploring their leadership style with their peers with a kind of naivity – which I’m seeing as a playfulness, an openness to their leadership being too strong or not strong enough – a happy practicing of getting the leadership “justttt right.” As we explore leadership differently, we’ll need that kind of open-ness too as we find the leadership that is “justttt right” for us in any given moment, with an easy understanding of either ourselves or our horse missing that “justttt right” place.
Forum
The after seminar conversation can be bigger than the seminar sometimes and it feels like this could be one of them! Join in the conversation on the forum. If you’re new to the forum, set up your user name and password and then let me know so I can go in and approve you into this student only forum (because I don’t get emails about it and sometimes I’m slow).
My written notes
I suspect you’re going to be a bit surprised at this seminar on leadership, because we’re going to do very little talking about leadership styles at all. You can google the subject. If you pick up to read about leadership with people, stick to sites that talk about 10 styles and upwards.
When I went back to read Zen Connection with Horse’s section on leadership when I was preparing the notes for today. I was surprised to find that there was still so much of it that I agreed with – it’s a testament to guided writing. However, I always knew there was some faint discomfort with that section of the book, even if I couldn’t figure out what it was. And funnily enough, reading my own book yesterday morning brought another yet layer of understanding for me.
Bobby said to me, over and over again when we were writing the notes that later became Bobby’s Diaries, that we get leadership by controlling speed and direction with the right attitude. Gosh that makes me laugh – even 17 years ago, I recognized that “the right attitude” was the key to the whole thing. It’s STILL the key to the whole thing and it has layer after layer and personal development almost to infinity in it.
And that’s what I’ve come to understand, that leadership and our personal growth are intertwined.
I’m having some lessons with someone that I’m not allowed to talk about just yet. Don’t bother guessing because right or wrong, I won’t answer lol! He answered my question about my video by noting my current leadership style, talking about all the different leadership possibilities within a herd and asking me what kind of leader did I want to be.
I went to sleep that night mulling over that question and woke in the morning in an incredibly strong new presence. I realized that my natural horsemanship roots had given me one view of leadership that I later strongly disagreed with and that I had had kind of a conflict happening internally over leadership that had come from OTHER PEOPLE’S ideas of leadership. And that had just dissolved overnight by being open to the idea of how did I want to achieve my horse doing what I want them to do and what kind of person / leader do I want to be while that’s happening?
Leadership styles are just about as unique as the different ways of Feeling and if we’re responding to what’s happening NOW, then our leadership will be almost as changeable as our feelings. It’s the CLARITY of our leadership style, in response to what’s happening NOW, that’s important – the ME’ness of it, the authenticity of it, the confidence of it.
And like our feelings, the smoothest path forwards with our horse is to be authentic with our “not knowing” and our exploring of what leadership might look like in this moment.
Where I got into trouble, was thinking that what I had been told about leadership was true for me AND thinking that there was only one “right” way for what I had come to think of as good leadership – when in fact, in any given herd there will be multiple types of leader, all of whom will have the confidence in their own abilities to step forward and lead at the right time.
My first exposure to leadership was in natural horsemanship, where leadership was defined pretty simply as the horse had to do what you asked, when you asked it and you got as big in Phase 4 as you needed to get, to achieve that object – that’s an alpha – the boss. I talked in Zen Connection with Horses about how the alpha horse only ever got sudden jerky resistant movements and certainly not happy co-operation, so I had decided alpha horse wasn’t for me. Now I’m thinking never say never – if circumstances require an alpha horse for sudden movement to keep the other/s safe, then alpha horse I will be comfortable to be. I had made the alpha style wrong, which is in itself never useful and in me set up a conflict when I resorted to that style to achieve something urgent.
Once I had discarded the alpha style of leadership as not being what I wanted (with those conflicted exceptions!), I came up with a style that was nurturing, profoundly healing in its possibilities, with happiness and well being the priority.
I reflect and think that I have all kinds of leadership styles in different situations. When I’m feeding out it’s very strong and protective, making sure that everyone gets to feel safe and comfortable while they’re eating. The style I used to help Oliver be able to tolerate the dentist was a different one. The style that helps my horses find a feeling of comfort and safety while trimming their feet is different to the one that says “sorry you don’t get to pull the feet trimmer around by snatching your feet away. Tell her in her head. I’ve taught her to listen and she does it beautifully, so tell her in her head, not in your behavior. (Gosh that worked well!)
My spiritual and personal development has resulted in a leadership style that’s predominantly empowering the other – whether it’s a horse or a person. One of the joys of that this week was asking Boots if he would help me get Rapunzel dancing off the lead rope at a signal from my whip and him not only doing that VERY deliberately, but bringing my attention to a stuck spot / confusion by doing it a bit differently than I had originally thought. He rocked and so did she.
What I would enjoy for you to take from this seminar this morning, if there’s any area of your horsemanship that isn’t happening for you with the kind of ease that you’re looking for, it could be worth a look at your leadership style.
Let’s have a conversation about the ways that your horse might tell you that they’re not happy with your leadership in this moment – Being clear that these things won’t always mean a problem with leadership, but it is one of the things to be open to.
The one really smart thing I wrote in that leadership chapter in Zen Connection with Horses is
“add your own observations about ways that you give your leadership away” because that’s going to be more about being aware of your own leadership style and what kind of leader YOU want to be and THAT is a very good deal!. 🙂
Zen Connection with Horses
The one really smart thing I wrote in that leadership chapter in Zen Connection with Horses is “add your own observations about ways that you give your leadership away” because that’s going to be more about being aware of your own leadership style and what kind of leader YOU want to be and THAT is a very good deal! 🙂
Bring this whole conversation about leadership today, to the following section about how we give leadership away that I would write VERY differently these days:
14. By stepping backwards from them. (He who moves his feet is the loser (temporarily at least) in the leadership game.) (That’s allowing them to control your speed and direction.). This includes simple things like pulling your foot out of the way if your horse goes to tread on it. If you learned how to ask them to move their leg away and then asked them to move their leg instead, you would have leadership instead of giving it away. It includes simple things like when you lunge your horse, if you take a slightly backward step as you move around the circle you give away leadership – you need to step forwards as you move around. Gosh this bit wants re-writing hey?
15. By stepping away from your horse as they push into you or crowd you. (That’s allowing them to control your speed and direction.) This is another reason that it’s good to have learned how to ask your horse to move away from you from a gentle touch. These days I’d probably fix that push issue long before they were actually pushing.
17. By stopping or backing away when they threaten you, e.g. with their ears back. (They’ve controlled speed and direction.) Again, I’d fix this one long before being threatened. And if I DID miss it, I expect I WOULD get out of the way and work out what the heck was happening by listening and solving the problem a lot earlier.
Brags and updates from people
From Catherine –
Hi Jenny, I thought I’d share some the photos from Saturday, BB and I where out in the garden again, we get out every other day . I am spending time nearly every day with him and the ease within our relationship is strengthening.
I chat to him a lot , either aloud or in my head and he is very visual when I miss something. I am really tuning into my feel all the time and trying to be more aware of my posture around him.
The photos really show how lovely natured he is ..this is him checking in with us while he grazes …it’s like he says ‘are you okay?’
I am so looking forward to the Live , and wow good on you for being there for the Brumbies..I haven’t been on social media except for my art page so will have to go check out what your up too.
Stay safe and stay well Jenny.
Warmest Regards
Catherine x
From Sam:
Not so much a brag but progress nonetheless… last year when I tried taking Jake on trail walks out of our bottom gate onto the dirt road, with me walking in zone 3, he got into such a tizz I put it into the too hard basket for a bit. It got to the point where if I haltered him and pointed him in that direction he would grow roots and plant himself to the spot. A couple of weeks ago I tried again but this time I was happy for him to walk behind me (I have no idea why I didn’t try that last year), and even better we just walked from one grassy grazing spot to the next. The second day he forgot he was worried and even allowed me to walk beside him in Z3 while walking to the next spot! Cool.
Yesterday my daughter was home sick and wanted to go for a walk so off we went down the hill. Jake followed us to the gate and when it became clear he wasn’t invited, he galloped off back up the hill, pig-rooting, farting and generally making his displeasure known! A lot different to last year. So this morning I thought I’d better ask him along, same result – after a while he was happy to walk ahead of me with ears pricked forward with interest rather than fear – AND the return trip was sloooow; he was more interested in eating than rushing to get home. Hmmm.
I’m not sure if I’ll get to join in on Tuesday, being a school day and all… If not I will again listen to the recording. Have fun!! Sam
I asked Sam about her keys to success
It was definitely my attitude and my confidence. On setting out I fully intended to go with the flow, take whatever he offered (walking behind me is fine if he is happy), and not make him feel wrong for feeling scared. The grass definitely helped!! One other very important thing, which again has to do with MY attitude/feel is that I’d walked along the narrow dirt road that time of day for a few weeks and avoided coming across the huge, rattly dump truck that uses the road (we had a scary experience with it on a blind bend and narrow verge previously) and I’d also sussed out the best “escape routes” – so I was feeling more confident too. Four wheel drives were barely blinked at and even a tractor presented less drama than it had the day before when Jake was just loose in the paddock, as I headed for the widest verges/best grass as soon as I heard them approaching.
Penny
Penny has had a wonderful breakthrough with Caramel who had been recovering from founder for so long, that Penny had actually questioned whether she should have put her down. She had a session with me, where happy movement came up as essential to recovery.
Hello Jenny
I wanted to give you an update on how Caramel is doing, I hope that you don’t mind as I know you are always so busy.
We started going for walks most days, at first using the tarmac drive and any hard surface we could find. Only not going when C didn’t volunteer. As the days went on we stayed going in the forest on the rougher more stony tracks. The first time she was a bit foot tender afterwards, so we did a few more days tarmac and now we alternate as the mood takes us.
Her feet have improved so much, she has only one laminitis ring showing on her front hooves and none on her back ones- thank you SO much for encouraging us to do this. Caramel is sound now and improving daily. Her withers and shoulders have lifted slightly again and she seems well and happy.
I have a question from our session please? At the end I asked if you thought we should continue with the Fast Track programme and I wasn’t sure of your reply. We have been doing some lessons for fun but not working our way through them.
I feel strongly that Caramel is trying to teach me but that I have to learn from her through ‘feel’. I once asked why she couldn’t just tell me (like Bobby I meant), I understood that I needed to feel it and not hear it. Does this sound right to you please? I am so conscious of C having to ‘shout’ at me, as you put it. I seem to be missing a jigsaw piece.
Very many thanks from both of us,
Penny and Hoochanoya (C’s true name, which she has asked me to give to you)
My answer: You don’t need to work your way through each lesson systematically. It’s perfectly valid to get drawn to some lessons as a priority. It’s probably useful to scan each lesson just so that you know what the subject / point is, so that you can go back to it when you’re drawn to it.
And yes Caramel / Hoochanoya nailed it – you need to Feel YOUR unique way of feeling her, not mine or Bobby’s. But haha you already know that hey! FYI the way Bobby communicated with me back when we wrote Bobby’s Diaries and Zen Connection, was actually quite different later in his life as I got better at all the other Feels. The day he died, while we were waiting for the man to come and put him down, he was teaching me a whole new level of Heart Feel and emotional conversation – such intense heart open joy pouring over me. The other horses have continued refining my ability to have an emotional conversation, though neither the intensity nor the circumstances are the same…