INTRODUCTION
This is a one minute introduction audio – the Lesson itself is a video below.
Here’s an alternate audio if you need it.
WRITTEN VERSION OF THE AUDIO ABOVE
The night before Oliver was to get on the truck and come to me, I was eating my dinner when a wave of intense anxiety washed over me. It was way too big to finish eating dinner. So I stopped and tuned in to it. It was Oliver.
He was worried that I wouldn’t cope with a horse as big as him. And from what I know NOW, just about everybody in his life previously had either been intimidated by or reacted to his size in some kind of adverse way. And it WAS something for me to think about because I had never handled a horse as big as him before either.
As we meditated together, we came to the idea and agreement that if ever I felt unsafe, I had to get enough distance from him to feel safe again. And we both heaved a huge sigh of relief – the last bit of the anxiety released and I went back to eating my dinner.
I’m telling you this story so that you understand some of my actions in this video, which was taken in the first week or so of him arriving here. I can tell because of how skinny he was!
Watch in Youtube if you need to.
The Technique
I adapted this technique from one of Carolyn Resnick’s. It’s about teaching a horse to stand very precisely in an imaginary box that just fits their four feet in it, to stand still and relax quietly in there, paying gentle attention to you while you move around them doing whatever it is that you need to do – which includes things like putting rugs on and taking them off, getting their feet trimmed, saddling etc.
This is a foundation of relaxation and understanding “while you do whatever it is that you need to do”, that includes taking any action on any Not Quite Rights that you feel – preferably BEFORE they need to move with any worry that they may experience.
Your unique Feel of Not Quite Right
EVERY time I write this list, I’d like you to pause and Feel into it as you’re reading, with the intention of noticing how YOU already experience your connection to your horse. Some of these will mean nothing to you – others will be ahhaaa “THAT’s what that feeling is!”
How might you experience that early warning signal that something is Not Quite Right and like me in the video, just “know” that Oliver is cooked for today? HOW might you Feel the Not Quite Right that had me sending Oliver away? HOW might you know the WHAT to do to send him away for a good result?
- YOUR OWN breathing suddenly getting tight, shallow and / or speeding up,
- YOUR heart rate running faster,
- YOUR OWN jaw tight and tense,
- YOUR OWN lovely posture that should be acting like a big spring, going all tight and tense. If you push through this, it will mean that your hand on the rope is going to feel rough or grabby for the horse. And all the time it’s possible that any crappiness in your own posture is literally your Physical Feel for your horse, that when you take the pressure off them, will dissolve INSTANTLY.
- YOUR OWN energy feeling yuck, flat, stagnant, blocked, pent up or even explosive,
- YOUR OWN body suddenly experiencing discomfort or even pain,
- YOUR OWN emotions of anxiety or frustration coming up,
- YOUR OWN worries suddenly escalating.
- because all of those things could be your inner guidance system at work and could be YOUR HORSE’s breathing, heartrate, tension, tense posture, yucky feeling energy, anxiety, frustration or worries, visions or negative thoughts. These are ALL ways that you can experience your connection to your Inner Guidance system AND your horse depending on your natural talents.
And take action to soften off, back off, stop what you’re doing, maybe even take the halter off and walk a distance away, maybe stop the task althogether for the day like I had to – WHATever you need to do to feel OK again, wait for your horse to lick and chew AND soak up the good feelings that come from that before you do anything else.
Your own stand in the box task
The lesson today has two big things in it:
1. Be prepared to stop doing the task itself and pay attention to something that is more important.
When Oliver and I could not keep each other safe in that lack of connection that you saw in the video, I had to do something about that as a priority. There were dozens of other options that I could have used to get the connection back and indeed, I did use other techniques at other times.
I could have taken the halter off and worked at liberty where I could get bigger with my request for attention and he could leave if he needed to. I could have worked at liberty and got SMALLER in my actions – just caught his eye and rewarded that. I could have moved him around and changed speed and direction with the right attitude. I could have brought another horse in to help him with his distraction. I could have just stopped, found a chair and sat there, holding the connection and see if he could come back to me.
What I did though, felt right in that moment.
2. Know when your horse’s brain has reached its limit of learning for today and be prepared to stop and walk away even if you haven’t got what you want.
That was a 35 minute training session that was edited down to show you the simple technique and at the end of that 35 minutes, he was at the limit of productive learning.
If whatever is happening is so important that you simply CANNOT walk away without getting the job done, then stop, take the halter off and give them a good break anyway. Pushing through that point might get the job done in the short term, but there will be no learning in it and no increase in your relationship and its a shame to waste the effort. 🙂
THE HEALING
There’s no separation between training and healing when you work like this. Oliver had spent a lot of time feeling “wrong” and a “bad boy” and yet no one had clearly shown him how to be a “good boy” in a way that he understood – so the relief in that and thus the healing that came from that relief, was ENORMOUS and set a new level of feeling good for him.
Pause and feel into that last paragraph. It’s SUCH a big deal.
I remember Frederic Pignon saying that he had met a lot of abused horses, but that he had never had a horse complain about abuse – but what they DID complain about was about being misunderstood. And that was definitely the case with Oliver. He had the best of everything – literally – specially made saddle, specially made float for his size, boarding facilities that would make your eyes water at the cost – and yet he felt so very desperately misunderstood. He was labelled “dangerous” and a “bad boy” at least partly because he had no understanding of what good manners were and THIS lesson was a big one in changing that for him.
And all the fear and tension of those misunderstandings were reflected in damage to his body.
And now he’s SUCH a good boy! 🙂
The forum
The forum is where we have the opportunity to turn Oliver’s Diary into an interactive learning experience. So please come in and contribute!
Click here to go to the discussion of this lesson on the forum
Relevant Fast Track Lessons
Pay attention to me please at liberty.
Smooth hands – You’ll notice a lot of smooth hand work in this video. 🙂
Standing / Grooming posture – The correct posture when you’re working on the ground gives the same flexion of your spine and pelvis when there’s any pressure in your hands, that happens in perfect posture in the saddle and with a bit of preparation, just about removes the horse’s desire to resist your feel. My hands feel alive when I am in this posture and my ability to feel my horse is much more sensitive. You’ll notice the effect of posture especially when you are meet and melting and feeling the connection of the smooth hands with the rope.
Learning the real feel of the halter. This lesson is about getting your horse coming off a nice feel in the halter before trying to manoeuvre them into the imaginary box.
Meet and melt. “Meet and melt” is a technique with many layers. Don’t skip the lessons in between though!
Rugging as a source of anxiety – I think you would be surprised at how many horses I have come across who have had some suppressed anxiety around their rugs – and Oliver was one of them. I bet it had caused him to be more than a bit naughty occasionally and added to his dangerous “bad boy” reputation.