You would not BELIEVE the coincidence, folks. I just had my thoughts flowing as I was feeding the cats and the chickens their breakfast this morning – about how so many people who have a soul mate kind of horse, can’t find that same connection with a second horse and then lo and behold – there in my Inbox was this email from Adele.
That’s Adele on the chestnut in the photo.
I loved your 9 keys. My name is Adele, I’m 73 years old and I have a 15 yr.old quarter horse mare (red head) that I’ve had since she was 3. I can see Shiloh out my window where I live… I had a gelding that lived to 34, who I lost a year and a half ago. My problem is I can’t seem to get fully committed and connected to Shiloh. I never could have sold Scoop and I could never sell Sasha (my dog). However, I quite often consider selling Shiloh (my mare). I don’t know if you can have a personality conflict with a horse & just never quite connect or what.
If you could shed some light on this matter, I certainly would appreciate it. Oh, you should know that I’ve been doing natural horsemanship for over 15 years. Thanks for all your wisdom that you share so freely. Adele
It IS possible for us to just not connect with a particular horse. However, I’ve helped a lot of people with this issue over the years and there has always been a reason for the crossing of paths of each horse and each person. (There’s that “everything happens for a reason” thing again!)
It’s a bit like a marriage break-up. Quite a while back now, my husband and I thought we were goners – we both thought our marriage was seriously over. Vivian, my dear friend and spiritual mentor said to me “Jen no matter what you decide to do here, you’ve still got to work through all the issues, otherwise you just take those old problems through to a new relationship.”
Well I did work through them and in the process of doing that, found my love for him again.
I think the breaking up of a horse relationship has the same kind of need for completion. I believe that every horse brings us some piece of what we need in life and once you’ve got that understanding with Shiloh, you can then decide to move her on if you still wanted to, and bring that new understanding to a new horse relationship.
Moving them on, of course brings up the issue about HOW we do that – knowing that it’s not just about moving them on, but helping them to manifest the perfect human partner/place for them and I believe, allowing them to participate in that process. That’s probably another big topic.
Personally I’ve found that the big issues in life that made me re-evaluate my human or horse partner has always been a great time for a good shake-up and re-evaluation of what we REALLY want from each other.
My precious Bobby was just such a circumstance. Anyone who’s read Bobby’s Diaries knows the story of how I discarded him in a temper – I was sooo… angry with how difficult he was, how resistant he was, how hard he was making something that was supposed to be fun. Does anyone else see the irony in the words that I used here? 🙂
And all the time, he was the best teacher, the best guide, the best soul mate horse I ever had!
SOUL MATE HORSES
I think the problem originally arises because we enjoy our soul mate horse so much BECAUSE we know each other and what to expect under just about every circumstance. We know each other so well, that there’s a comfort zone around all our interactions together.
Whereas any horse who comes along later, because of their uniqueness, will NEVER be the same. But even if they DID have exactly the same traits, we wouldn’t have the same deep comfort zone with them because we don’t know them all the way to our bones like we did the old horse.
Every horse will have a unique set of things that they are nervous or afraid about, that you will be feeling in your connection to them. And if you haven’t come across this connection work before, you’ll be thinking that this is YOUR nervousness or YOUR fear and it’s very likely not yours at all.
And with nervousness comes defensiveness. And with defensiveness comes at least some resistance.
And all of that will be taking the shine off your relationship and making it seem “less than” the one before.
So I think that the first step, maybe even the answer to your dilemma, is to pay attention to each of your small and big feelings of nervousness or fear as they happen – as per the 2nd Key to Happiness (that’s one of the lessons in our free program 9 Keys to Happiness with Your Horse and take action on them to help you and your horse feel safe.
I very much believe that this simple formula, will start the process of enjoying the journey with Shiloh and deepen your relationship.
The second step – Once you’re comfortable with identifying and paying attention to her need for feeling safe (remember that it’s not always about BEING safe – it’s about FEELING safe), then you can start following the good feelings and actively doing more to create more good feelings, as a normal way of working. That’s a very big deal and worthy of a blog all by itself.
Somewhere in that process, Shiloh will start to actively participate in helping you to create the enjoyment that this whole journey with our horses is supposed to be.
And then you’ll have a new horse soul mate.
And if you need any support with that, everything in our programs here is designed with the that purpose in mind.