You would not BELIEVE the coincidence, folks. I just had my thoughts flowing as I was feeding the cats and the chickens their breakfast this morning – about how so many people who have a soul mate kind of horse, can’t find that same connection with a second horse and then lo and behold – there in my Inbox was this email from Adele.
That’s Adele on the chestnut in the photo.
I loved your 9 keys. My name is Adele, I’m 73 years old and I have a 15 yr.old quarter horse mare (red head) that I’ve had since she was 3. I can see Shiloh out my window where I live… I had a gelding that lived to 34, who I lost a year and a half ago. My problem is I can’t seem to get fully committed and connected to Shiloh. I never could have sold Scoop and I could never sell Sasha (my dog). However, I quite often consider selling Shiloh (my mare). I don’t know if you can have a personality conflict with a horse & just never quite connect or what.
If you could shed some light on this matter, I certainly would appreciate it. Oh, you should know that I’ve been doing natural horsemanship for over 15 years. Thanks for all your wisdom that you share so freely. Adele
It IS possible for us to just not connect with a particular horse. However, I’ve helped a lot of people with this issue over the years and there has always been a reason for the crossing of paths of each horse and each person. (There’s that “everything happens for a reason” thing again!)
It’s a bit like a marriage break-up. Quite a while back now, my husband and I thought we were goners – we both thought our marriage was seriously over. Vivian, my dear friend and spiritual mentor said to me “Jen no matter what you decide to do here, you’ve still got to work through all the issues, otherwise you just take those old problems through to a new relationship.”
Well I did work through them and in the process of doing that, found my love for him again.
I think the breaking up of a horse relationship has the same kind of need for completion. I believe that every horse brings us some piece of what we need in life and once you’ve got that understanding with Shiloh, you can then decide to move her on if you still wanted to, and bring that new understanding to a new horse relationship.
Moving them on, of course brings up the issue about HOW we do that – knowing that it’s not just about moving them on, but helping them to manifest the perfect human partner/place for them and I believe, allowing them to participate in that process. That’s probably another big topic.
Personally I’ve found that the big issues in life that made me re-evaluate my human or horse partner has always been a great time for a good shake-up and re-evaluation of what we REALLY want from each other.
My precious Bobby was just such a circumstance. Anyone who’s read Bobby’s Diaries knows the story of how I discarded him in a temper – I was sooo… angry with how difficult he was, how resistant he was, how hard he was making something that was supposed to be fun. Does anyone else see the irony in the words that I used here? 🙂
And all the time, he was the best teacher, the best guide, the best soul mate horse I ever had!
SOUL MATE HORSES
I think the problem originally arises because we enjoy our soul mate horse so much BECAUSE we know each other and what to expect under just about every circumstance. We know each other so well, that there’s a comfort zone around all our interactions together.
Whereas any horse who comes along later, because of their uniqueness, will NEVER be the same. But even if they DID have exactly the same traits, we wouldn’t have the same deep comfort zone with them because we don’t know them all the way to our bones like we did the old horse.
Every horse will have a unique set of things that they are nervous or afraid about, that you will be feeling in your connection to them. And if you haven’t come across this connection work before, you’ll be thinking that this is YOUR nervousness or YOUR fear and it’s very likely not yours at all.
And with nervousness comes defensiveness. And with defensiveness comes at least some resistance.
And all of that will be taking the shine off your relationship and making it seem “less than” the one before.
So I think that the first step, maybe even the answer to your dilemma, is to pay attention to each of your small and big feelings of nervousness or fear as they happen – as per the 2nd Key to Happiness (that’s one of the lessons in our free program 9 Keys to Happiness with Your Horse and take action on them to help you and your horse feel safe.
I very much believe that this simple formula, will start the process of enjoying the journey with Shiloh and deepen your relationship.
The second step – Once you’re comfortable with identifying and paying attention to her need for feeling safe (remember that it’s not always about BEING safe – it’s about FEELING safe), then you can start following the good feelings and actively doing more to create more good feelings, as a normal way of working. That’s a very big deal and worthy of a blog all by itself.
Somewhere in that process, Shiloh will start to actively participate in helping you to create the enjoyment that this whole journey with our horses is supposed to be.
And then you’ll have a new horse soul mate.
And if you need any support with that, everything in our programs here is designed with the that purpose in mind.
Hi Jenny, ik wil graag een vraag stellen over Cielo mijn ruin {tot voor kort hengst} van 5 jaar. Je hebt al een foto van hem. Hij is de zoon van Muse {mijn merrie} en Aquila {zijn hengst} Aquila is van mijn exvriend en deze vriend heeft me eigenlijk gedumpt. Hij heeft me ingeruild voor een andere vrouw. En daarmee heeft hij Cielo ook losgelaten. Cielo hebben we samen gewild, omdat we geen kinderen konden krijgen. Toen hij geld nodig had moest ik Cielo van hem kopen {zijn deel} We hebben nooit gesproken over dat ieder een deel had. Het was onze paardenzoon. Ik ben het meeste van mijn vermogen kwijtgeraakt aan mijn exvriend. Toen mijn geld op was verbrak hij de relatie. Ik houd veel van Muse, van Cielo en van Aquila. Aquila zal ik moeten loslaten. En Faye Belle ook . Dat is het eerste veulen van Muse. Zij woont ook bij mijn exvriend en zijn nieuwe vriendin. Hoewel ik het huis daar betaald heb mag ik er niet meer komen zonder een afspraak te maken met hem. Hij is de enige die echt met Faye Belle om kan gaan, door haar heb ik hem leren kennen. Hij is paardentrainer. Ik wil graag verder met Cielo en met Muse. Ik wil geen les meer van mijn exvriend in het trainen van Cielo. Ik wil zo snel als mogelijk is weg daar. Deze 2 paarden staan nu nog bij zijn vader. Eind September heb ik een nieuwe plek voor beiden. Hoe kom ik los van dat negatieve gevoel van in de steek gelaten zijn en ingeruild zijn? Het is de simpele waarheid. Ik wil graag mijn geld terug, het is zeker 60,000 euro. Dan kan ik zelf verder en een ander leven gaan leven. Ik wil vooral ook dat Cielo geen hinder ondervind van mijn verdriet en kwaadheid. En Muse ook niet , ze zijn beiden zo gevoelig. Kan ik Cielo alleen verder opleiden? Muse is mijn soulmate en hij is dat ook op een andere wijze. Hij voelt echt als mijn paardenzoon. En altijd als ik naar hem kijk zal ik Aquila zien en daardoor ook mijn exvriend weer omdat Cielo en Aquila een heel gelijkend karakter en uiterlijk hebben. Het liefst vergeet in mijn expartner. Denk ik nooit meer aan hem.
Google translate was excellent here! Horses don’t care if we’re sad Yvonne, they care that we’re authentic. The more we get in tune with and understand our feelings, the happier they are. You’ll hear the really great horse people talk about how when we change the inside of ourselves, our horsemanship gets better and our horses respond to us more and more beautifully. In my experience, they are gorgeously sentient beings who deliberately help us. Personally, I like that help to be a two way street, so both of us are getting the benefit of being happier and happier. There’s a number of ways we can help you. Read the book “Holy Shit is That really true?” It step by step explains and draws your own inner truth from you – that will help you in understanding your sadness and anger and how to start finding joy again. And what a blessing Cielo will be in this journey. To get that two way stuff happening with Cielo – you want the program Fast Track to Brilliant Riding. It step by step puts into practice with your horse, all the stuff that you’ll read about in the book, in a way that helps you and Cielo both. You’ll develop skills and the Feel of the great horse people and Cielo will get the opportunity to help you too. For a lot more one on one support, there’s Ease and Grace if you’re impatient to get all that now. 🙂 And of course, there’s our free monthly seminars. Much love to you!
Dank je wel Jenny, ja ik zit nog midden in mijn woede en verdriet en ik voel me ook gebruikt. En ik projecteer dat misschien wel op Cielo zelfs. Ik kan er ook zo moeilijk genuanceerd over denken en voelen. Ik kan er niet bij komen, bij mijn wijsheid en bij vergeving. Ik wil zo graag goed zijn voor mijn paarden en dat ben ik ook. Maar dat het wederkerig is ja. Dat zij mijn verdriet voelen is ok. Ik heb het ook tegen ze verteld en waarom ik dit zo voel. En ik sprak ook over mijn boosheid. Tijdens de lessen hebben ze de negatieve vibes tussen ons beleefd. En zijn ze getuige geweest van zijn woede aanvallen, en van mijn angst. Daarom wil ik ook niet meer verder met het samen opleiden van Cielo. Graag lees ik het boek “Holy Shit is That Realy True?” Hoe kan ik het bestellen? Ik heb geen mastercard maar een gewone Nederlandse bankkaart.
I’ll email you the link to the book and we’ll figure out how to pay for it later. <3
I’ve done that now. <3
dank je wel Jenny, ik heb het inmiddels ontvangen.
Excellent. <3
Hi, Adele – perhaps your thoughts of selling your mare were actually coming from her – maybe you were picking up on her dissatisfaction. So as you start working with some of Jenny’s ideas, the mare might start to feel better, and then you will too!
Thank you guys for your lovely comments. I have started the 21 days to a Quiet Mind (it’s taking more than 21 days as I don’t do it every day), and it is really helping me. I have had a mind shift to realizing that I can get an amazing connection with her, but I shouldn’t expect it to be the same as with my gelding. It can be just as strong, but different. Thanks again, this is great!
Good luck Adele as you progress with your mare.
From personal experience, as i slowly digest the fast track programme and implement aspects every day I am convinced that Jenny’s approach is really the baseline foundation for communicating with horses. From what i read on online fora people often try this foundational connection when they have a wild or dangerous or troubled horse that the standard models just wouldn’t work for, but this approach helps us get there right at the start with all horses (I know, that’s why its called Fastrack!). As I notice all the moments of not quite right while interacting with my mare, (and pause and wait for a shift, which happens really quickly now) I had to stand back the other day and notice, and appreciate out loud the difference in us, for example, I couldn’t stand next to her sides before, or near her tummy as she was too defensive, and there i was half leaning over her at saddle position practising indirect rein and a few steps of passage!
You have made such excellent progress Joanne – it’s lovely for me to read about how your horse’s shifts and releases are happening so quickly now. That’s my experience too. The shifts in our horse (and ourselves sometimes) take more time in the beginning when we are waiting for the release of old tension/resistance/trauma. I think the more centred we are, the faster our horse’s energy/attitude/resistance/blockage changes too. That’s one of the benefits of the Quiet Mind program. 🙂 And hey – congratulations – passage – woohoo!
Ok so I have some emotions running as I read this, an issue I was unaware of with Santos but clearly resonates x
Ahhh not surprising, your old guy was pretty special.
Yeah he sure was and so is Santos in his own right hopefully I get that connection with him soon
In some ways it’s about spending time on the paddock and yet… I have seen some very good relationships developed with very little time spent, but what time it was, was quality time. We each do the best we can in the time we have and the skills we have at the time. 🙂
Hi Adele! What helped me a lot along the way was first of all acknowledge and accept what is present. And then go from there. I think you found yourself the best help in Jenny and her programs. Best of luck!!