
I am so passionate about this that I am not going to do my usual way of dealing with strong subjects, which is to lead people gently to understanding what’s going on with the horse.
Nope… I am standing up strongly and maybe even yelling a bit to make my point because I feel so strongly about this.
When a horse has separation anxiety, when you cannot take him away from his friends without him having a fit or being difficult – then STOP separating him from his mate as a solution.
Stop – take a breath and stop and think.
I know that separating horses is the most common advice you will get for solving separation anxiety but it doesn’t work and it’s not even logical. I’ve noticed that people say all sorts of crap when they don’t know what they are talking about, bless ’em. It’s human nature to want to help you with advice – any advice – even if it’s wrong.
You cannot solve a fear by adding more fear to it. It is impossible. When you add pressure and fear to the separation anxiety that already exists – which is what happens when you force the separation – you just get more fear.
And even worse, when you get more fear, they can get so overwhelmed that they die a little inside and THAT makes them quieter. But then you will have a horse who is tight and tense in all sorts of other situations now, because the separation anxiety is bottled up inside, ready to explode out when something else goes wrong.
Separation anxiety is normally caused by weaning them from their mother with less than best practice for their emotional needs. In fact, so much weaning takes place in a way that couldn’t do anything other than produce a horse with separation anxiety. But that’s another subject.
Separation anxiety in horses IS FIXABLE.
It’s too big a subject, with too many variable of what you may need to do,, to put the answer here. But in late November, we’re going to do an over the internet clinic – the cheapest money you’ll ever spend to make a start on changing this trauma for your horse.
And make no mistake – if they have separation anxiety, it IS a trauma…
We would be working on recognizing the different threads that contribute to your horse’s separation anxiety and clearing up as many as we can get released in the time of the clinic, plan for the future if it’s not all cleared up in the clinic itself, help you to expand your sense of feel or use it deliberately and systematically to help your horse (you’re probably already feeling your feel as upset about this subject) and understand the big picture.
Teaching like this over the net with video, is in many ways even more effective at making lasting change than teaching a live lesson with your horse, because of the way we can pause and evaluate and in the calm of hindsight notice the exact moment at which we could have done something to help them – and plan a change for the future.
Whatever you choose to do, however you choose to handle your traumatized horse. Please, please, please do not add more trauma to what is already there by separating them from their friend/s…
I took on a 5yo mare a year ago, that did not show any signs of anxiety at the time. I got it home and it commenced mild fence walking. She behaved well otherwise, at home at at pony club, and out riding. Until I rode out recently with a friend, and her horse walked quite quickly. Mine jogged to catch up and became an absolute nuisance. It wasn’t a pleasant ride. She carried on when the other horse continued on and we turned for home. Since then, the fence walking has increased. I sent her out on trial to some people with another horse, thinking this would help. It made the situation worse and she was returned. Her fence walking increased. I acquired another, hopefully more suitable for beginners horse, yesterday. I took the filly out of the paddock after a couple of hours, to see if any of my saddles fit etc. The mare went nuts at being left behind. Reports from when she was on trial was that she would go silly when asked to leave the paddock mate behind. I don’t have the time or resources to fix this problem, and I’m finding it difficult to offload his horse to someone who doesn’t mind. I think she’s going to have to be put down as she’s becoming dangerous.
Kym precious lady… Your story is so far away from what I know to be true about horse behavior that I had to go away and allow the best way to help you and your horse to come into my mind without time pressure. You have a distressed and frightened horse who is trying to communicate in the only way she knows how – her behavior.
If you don’t have the time to listen to her or to learn HOW to listen to her, if you don’t have the time or desire to learn how to find mutual understanding with her, then sell her. She certainly doesn’t need to be put down over that behavior, no matter how dangerous it is for an inexperienced person. In a sale, your job would be to find an experienced empathetic new owner for her who WILL have the desire to listen to her, understand her and support her to find her confidence – all of which is perfectly do-able.
Most people find themselves going to extremes like you’re talking about because they don’t understand how powerful it is AND HOW GOOD IT FEELS, to be able to listen to and understand their horse. I’ve always thought that this connection to our horses and how good we feel when we understand it, is WHY we have horses in the first place, even if we didn’t realize that consciously. It’s certainly something that people in my program talk about over and over again – they talk about how they never knew how wonderful it could feel to be with a horse like this. I never knew how wonderful it could be either, back in the days when I was wrestling with them trying to dominate them to my will.
Kim I have a feeling that this is a serious make or break time in horses for you – a time to find a path to being with horses in way that can be a wonderful experience with a live, thinking, feeling being or a time to get a motorbike instead. And I promise you I’m not being a smart alec about that. I have sympathy for the frustration that you’re feeling, but if you REALLY mean it that you don’t have the time or desire to learn how to fix it, then a motorbike is looking like an attractive alternative – much less dangerous for you and better for the horse.
If the idea of solving this problem and on the way, developing a beautiful relationship with your horses as feeling, thinking beings appeals to you, then I would love to support you on that journey. Contact me on the contact form at the top of the page and we can have a chat about the best place to start. Much love to you as you work your way through your decision process.
Here’s another important article about separation anxiety in horses. https://www.jennypearce.com.au/horse-training-articles/part-one-of-solving-separation-anxiety-in-herd-bound-horses/
I rode my boy on the trail for the first time with my friend on her very calm confident mare. Previously he had been led on the trail but not for a while. He was very good until about 2k and he started to show signs of mild worry. Then he lost it and in the process I fell off he bolted back down the trail towards home clearly panicked. No one was hurt and we led him back down the trail with very little resistance.
He has two paddock buddies at home but is fine to float to my riding club and is quite relaxed when he is there. I do ground work before I ride and feel our relationship is quite respectful. He is not spooky and was not obviously scared of anything on the trail he just got more and more worried. It was like he was trying to cope but then just couldn’t poor boy. My friend & I have diagnosed separation anxiety but Im a bit confused as he is good to take out in the float. Do you think I am on the right track or am I missing something. Insights appreciated with thanks – Jeanette
Ok so how do you deal with separation anxiety when it’s related to humans and not a herd??? So much so that you can’t even put him in the float and walk away without him going nuts!!!
We would solve that in pretty much the same way as we solve separation anxiety with horses Maryanne. First of all we notice ALL the things in his routine life that are causing him tension or anxiety and take action to help him feel safe. Because fear is cumulative – each unable to be acted on fear adds on to the the next making each subsequent one bigger and bigger. So the first thing to do with a big issue like separation anxiety, is to clear up these other things so that we are only dealing with the separation anxiety. Then we can work on that more effectively.
What other things in your guys life brings tension to him?
I am soon going to be releasing some new lessons that we are calling Pocket Lessons. Little mini series to solve particular issues, so that people don’t have to buy a full program to get at the issues that are interested in. I will announce these in my blog as I pull them together, so if you sign up to The Six Keys or the rss blog feed, you’ll get an email telling you when those are released. 🙂
What extremely logical remarks! Adding fear to fear only brings more fear! And getting it out again (if ever totally possible) is much more work than getting it right the first time. We have weaned our youngster very softly and gradually (against all advice indeed(!!!) ), and we now have a VERY lively and jolly, but also cool and courageous youngster!
What a VERY lucky youngster Paul! And oh yes, as you say it usually takes a bit longer than lucking it up in there in the first place. And definitely yes – releasing old fears and re-learning a new way of being IS totally possible and completely achievable. I have spent quite a long time now one way and the other working at and refining the ways to do just that… Nice to hear from you!
What a fabulous blog Jenny, and separation can sometimes be the root cause for so many other things without us even knowing it.
I am so excited about this clinic, because separation is so easily and gently resolved with small steps, even tiny steps. And we can do it in a much deeper way using our inner connection that you teach so effectively, and in ways that cause no additional anxiety, but instead add layer upon layer of confidence in our horse.
If anyone reading this blog, has a horse with separation anxiety in any form, from not wanting to be caught when your intention is to ride, or naps at the gate, or even the big stuff like bucking, rearing or being skittish out on a ride, then this clinic will unfold your understanding of your horse, and give you practical ways to work through it.
This is gonna be a great clinic and I look forward to seeing you there.
Ain’t THAT the truth Caroline. It shocks me how many horses experience separation anxiety in big ways and small. And I guess it’s like so much of what I have noticed – we don’t make too big a deal about things when we don’t have a solution. But, you know I did a survey a while back and just about every single person talked about wanting confidence and a deep bond with their horse and as you say, separation anxiety is probably the root problem under soooo many other problems that people experience. And easy fixed when you know how. It’s very sad that this deep seated anxiety is so normal for so many horses.