A simple process to change assholery

Most everyone who hangs around here pretty much gets that it’s not a “bad” horse or even a “naughty” horse, because that kind of judgement gets in the way of us solving the problem. But what about people?

I mean – we’ve got compassion for horses with behavior problems and we learn how to use that compassion to actually solve those horse problems. Today I’m asking “What about people with behavior problems or people doing assholery?” Can we have the same compassion, the same lack of judging or blaming them and … maybe biggest of all … do we have the same problem solving ability with people’s crappy behavior too?

You can’t see me laughing away here to myself. Yeah right… Me too. It’s MUCH easier to have compassion for an animal doing assholery than it is to have compassion for a person doing assholery.

Why IS that do you think?

Could it be because with an animal it’s easier to accept that things have happened to them to cause that bad behavior? That they haven’t chosen to behave badly?

And is it that with people we think they CHOOSE assholery?

Do they REALLY though?

Or are they programmed by circumstances and trauma and trained by example just like a horse has been?

Hold on a minute though. Can you see me putting my hand up in the universal “stop” sign? I’m not saying you throw your hands in the air, get all airy fairy and don’t actually do anything about it. Just like when a horse is dangerous, you’ve got to keep yourself mentally emotionally and physically safe when you’re dealing with serious assholery.

We’ve been told “forever” that we can’t change anyone else, we can only change ourselves, but horses have taught us that’s not actually true.

I’ve seen people change OTHER people’s behavior with this work on OURSELVES, over and over again. It’s the kind of power that we have to change the world around us that I’ve been talking about when we’re conscious of our connection to others and we use our inner guidance system that horses teach us so well and with such practicalness. (yeah practicalness, assholery – I’ve got a tendency to make words up when I need one!) We have an extraordinary ability to influence others by working completely on ourselves, in a way that has no judgement or blame and is without any force or make.

It’s BEing the change that we want to see in the world. Ghandi said that phrase originally and he led a successful and peaceful revolution with it. It’s also an effective principle of being brilliant with horses.

A few years back I went to see Marianne Williamson – the spiritual leader who wrote A Course in Miracles and stood for US President again this year. She was answering a young woman’s question about a difficult relationship. Marianne’s answer was “Pray for his happiness. Pray for his happiness for two minutes a day, building up to five minutes a day, every day for 30 days. At the end of thirty days, either he will have changed his behavior or you won’t care”.

I wish you Happiness works just as well.

“I wish you Happiness” for two to five minutes a day will achieve the same objective as Marianne’s praying suggestion. If, while we’re wishing them happiness, we notice, observe and be curious about any feelings that come up IN US, then you can spend a LOT less than 2 minutes to achieve the same objective.

Miracles like “he will have changed his behavior” is precisely the kind of influence I’ve seen us have with this work, over and over again. It’s the kind of power that we have to change the world around us that I’ve been talking about when we’re conscious of our connection to others and we use our inner guidance system that our glorious horses have taught us so beautifully. It’s an extraordinary ability to influence others by working completely on ourselves, that has no judgement or blame and is without any force or make. Yeah I know, it was worth repeating… <3

It’s OUR unconditional love in action.

Our power to influence change like this is astronomical and when we use our anger about assholery – whether it’s about the abuse of horses and children or anything else – when that anger is combined with an open-hearted willingness to see where the other is coming from – holy shit we can change the world.

A 30 day challenge to change the world around you.

Just IMAGINE what it will feel like if I’m right? How much hopelessness and helplessness would simply disappear? What would the world be like if this was really true?

You’ve got nothing to lose hey? Try these 5 steps to influence someone who’s REALLY upsetting or worrying you.

Step 1. You need to be passionate enough about whatever that is, to commit to 30 days of wishing them happiness and to be curious about what could be behind their assholery.

Step 2. Sit quietly or walk (depending on your personality you might need the movement) and find that curiosity – “Holy shit is it REALLY possible that I can change the way someone else is behaving by doing this?”

Step 3. Wish them happiness – Just a simple wish, no big drama. Mean it if you can. If you can’t mean it yet, no problem. I suspect by the end of 30 days you’ll be able to. <3

Step 4. There’s two ways of doing this next step:

• For 2 to 5 minutes, just simply pay gentle attention to and be curious about the feelings that come up within YOU.
• Or, if you’ve been doing our horse work or books, you’ll ask “Whose are those feelings and what do I need to know or do about them?” as they come up. And that’ll speed up the ahha moments that will change everything.

Step 5. Notice what changes and appreciate the heck out of it. Soak it up. Feel the wonder of it. Then have a think about what else could you do with such a simple and powerful technique? Holy shit, you really can change the world hey?

Each day that you do your “I wish you Happiness” with inner awareness of YOUR OWN feelings, each time you get an ahhaaa moment of understanding about this other person, it will bring you closer and closer to understanding the traumas that established their reactions and the neural pathways in their brain, to understanding any of our own beliefs and attitudes that have been getting in the way of this person changing their behavior, to understanding our own limiting beliefs about the power that we have over this situation which is so much greater than you think.

Layer by layer, we’ll be aligned with the holyshitisthatreallytrue power of the Universe that is within us and around us, to change what’s happening with complete knowing and genuine unconditional love.

And it all starts with what we give a horse so easily – the willingness to look behind the assholery to see the full picture of what’s really going on here.

At the end of 30 days, they either won’t be assholes any longer and very likely won’t be doing assholery either… Or you won’t care and you’ll be at peace, rippling that peace out into the world – which looks as if it could do with it at the moment.

This blog has been extracted and adapted from the book “Holy Shit Is That really True?” It’s an on-line book – not an e-book – it’s a page by page on-line experience of practical happiness, healing, creating wonderful new things and the ability to change the world around you.

Holy Shit is that really true?

Today’s photo: That face says it all doesn’t it? He looks like he’s come across some ass…holes today… The photo was taken by Costanza, one of our lovely horse community and it was used on one of the pages in the book where we talk about assholery. We take some very big subjects and bring a ligtheartedness to them that makes changing the world around you a whole lot easier than you think…