I was Quiet Minding a problem with Oliver, who has some kind of PTSD type reaction in him that has him going from genuinely relaxed to a mindless flight reaction in a split second. It’s only happened twice and we’ve done all kinds of lovely Release work with him that has him in a genuinely relaxed place now. But still… there’s this core of… something that wants working through.
For those not familiar, Oliver is my 18 hand Warmblood, given to me with a bad reputation on the ground and what his old owner thought was “a screw loose”. He’s made excellent progress with us, bringing us much love and wisdom and lots and lots of joyous experiences – in fact he’s so special that I get all warm and smiley just thinking about him!
On our last Live Seminar for students, Oriana (thanks Oriana!) got the insight that the PTSD type thing had something to do with back up. I had been looking out for what the cause of this problem was, but because I no longer use the technique that caused Oliver’s PTSD type symptoms, the real cause hadn’t yet come to my attention. Oriana’s insight gave me the short cut and then it just needed a Quiet Mind to finish working it out.
The insight came with a “whoosh” of Release for me – it was having a rope whipped backwards and forwards to drive him backwards, like in the pictures here.
I no longer use this action (although it WAS in my original horsemanship training) because it causes a disconnection between me and my horse.
There is no understanding or learning possible when the horse is reacting to pressure this high, so if understanding and learning and harmony is your goal, there is simply no point in applying it.
I can only think of one exception – to stop a horse coming forwards in an emergency situation. And if I found myself having to take action that strong, I would be apologizing to the horse and having a conversation about how we could avoid ever having to go there again.
In that same Quiet Mind, I experienced an understanding and a deep sense of regret – with tears – that I had used a similar technique on my dear old Bobby way too often, back in what he would no doubt consider the bad old days. I understood that although he dealt with it differently, Bobby was experiencing the same sense of trauma as Oliver. Because Bobby is a Caretaker Horse, I saw that he shows his PTSD symptoms differently and goes inside himself, with the consequent damage to his own body happening more easily.
Writing this article is what I need to know or do about the sense of guilt that I felt, when I understood what I had done and what a big deal it was.
And then coincidentally (I don’t think so!) I saw a video of a VERY good horsewoman who I have a high regard for, wiggling the rope in such a way that the horse was hit in the head by the rope and flinging his head up to get out of the way of the rope hitting him. Figuring out why I felt like I did when I watched the video led to the rest of this article.
Please note that I am not saying that the person you can’t see in the photos above is abusive. My insight was that what I did back then, was abusive to my horse. My observation is that the force involved in the photos above is a disconnect. And anything that disconnects us from our horse is unlikely to produce harmony or anything else of grace and beauty.
And except in an emergency situation, that force is simply unnecessary.
BEing the change that we want our horse to be, is going to be much more effective and will produce more harmony and beauty and learning and ‘feel good’ between horse and person, which I explain in more depth in the Ninth Key of the free lessons The 9 Keys to Happiness with Your Horse.
And here’s the big deal part of this article.
What makes us blind to what we are doing?
I look back to when I was doing exactly the same as the photo and I must have been blind not to see it.
And we see this blindness and these disconnecting actions everywhere, at so many levels – from the elite riders and trainers and teachers all the way to beginners. I was blind to the effects of what I was doing, just like the person in the photo is blind to the effect of their actions, just like the wonderful lady that I was talking about is blind to the thing that she is doing, just like you will probably have something that you are blind about too.
What makes us blind?
There is no way that any of us would hurt our horses on purpose – well not me and the people I know anyway.
So what makes us not notice what’s really happening?
And more importantly, how can we change that blindness?
What do YOU think? What makes us blind like that? How do YOU think we can change that blindness?
This topic is worthy of some serious discussion and I look forward to your thoughts and chatting with you in the comments section here.
I was thinking that the next time I write, we (the royal ‘we’ of the horses and me) might bring you a short meditation to help us see things more from the point of view of our horse and we’ll bring in the discussion that happens here.
I was just out with my mare Bridget today, and had cause to think about this ptsd post. Bridget has been surrounded by doting people who love her all her life since she was rescued as a new-born nurse mare foal. She has always been extremely easy to catch, and she loves rough-housing – she likes nothing better than for you to pull on her ears and pummel her and rumple up her hair. But I think something happened to her on the journey from Pennsylvania to Texas in September 2014 – after the journey, she was head-shy for the first time in her life. The lady who trucked them was super-nice, but they spent 2 nights en route at horse motels, and I’m pretty convinced that someone who worked at one of them must have manhandled Bridget into her halter. She gradually got over the head-shy thing – she’ll once more let me pull a halter over her ears. But she’s not quite the same about catching. Today she came over to greet me and spend time with me, but when I offered the halter, she cantered off. I rejoined her, and she followed me some more, but definitely didn’t want the halter. So I thought, well what better way to spend the time than standing under a tree waiting for a release. She became very peaceful and stood with her head almost touching my body. She didn’t get to the point of wanting her halter though. That’s fine – there are other days. So said to her that I was sorry someone had been so rude to her on her journey south, and then it hit me – the way she had greeted me today. My horses have figured out that a good way to be polite when there are treats is to turn their nose away from my hand before being offered the treat. George is very good at this, but Bridget has always been somewhat peremptory. I always offload all the treats at the beginning, and then we’re done. Today Bridget came over to me and stopped. She then took a step backward with one foot (she HATES backing away!) and bowed her head almost to the ground before stepping forward to receive her treats. I was blown away. I’ve never taught her to do anything like this. And as I thought about how someone had not been polite to her, I realized how good manners is so much more than following rules. Politeness can be gracious and beautiful, as Bridget’s gesture was. So I was going to play “My grass” with her today (or “Heads up” as it is in our case), but in the end, Bridget had a much more valuable lesson for ME.
THAT June, was simply gorgeous…
Interesting that you should suggest working the group at liberty in order to refine the pay attention to me cue. I find it much easier to work with multiple horses at liberty quite (well any horse really) often I will exercise a group of them by riding one and allowing the rest to follow along. Maybe my physical feel is not so great ,certainly seem to lose something once I have reins or lead ropes in my hands.
Did anything here in the comments section trigger an ahhaaa or more importantly, a “negative” type of reaction that if you Quiet Mind it might unfold a bit more of the puzzle? You could also do a simulation session on your version of Magic, holding all the ropes but no horses on the end, Quiet Mind and feel for the answer without the extra pressure of the horses actually being on the end of the lead ropes. That simulation work is worth its weight in gold.
Maybe there is a tinge of guilt around placing those I care about deeply in a precarious situation. Making a choice for oneself is one thing but making a choice for others ………?????
Food for thought.
Cattle work today , but I will endeavour to sit on an inanimate object and QM at some stage . Miss Magic.
I’m finding that more and more the key is to trust my horses. It kind of goes against the grain of the way most of us were taught to behave with horses – I was always taught to “show them who’s boss,” plus there’s the fear factor. But I’m gradually learning to give up control and share leadership with them. A for-instance: our gelding didn’t like me taking one of the other horses (mares) out of the field, and he could create quite a scary situation. But we all figured out how to do it – the mare wouldn’t let me put the halter on until she decided that the gelding had decided it was ok – she can read him better than me. We’d all stand in different spots in the pasture – waiting – and then at some point, the gelding would make a decision to back off, and then the mare would let me halter her, and then we could leave. Sometimes the gelding would lunge at the mare on our way out – but it was just to make a point, not an effort to interfere. He would consciously position himself so that when the gate was opened, he would be behind the gate and not positioned to leave also. It took us a very long time to reach this point. I’m putting it all in the past tense because recent developments (long story) have indirectly lead to the gelding being pastured with other geldings. I think he finds it a great relief not to have to be in charge of those pesky females. He still gets to hang out with them over the fence, but they’re no longer his problem!
I should add that en route to figuring this out, I would often WAY over-react to the gelding’s attacks on the mare. Like, even past the time when he was actually intent on biting the mare and was only sending her a signal, I’d shriek and get mad and wave my arms. But he is very forgiving and knows that I am trying! I have to learn to wean myself from my final nervousness over his – what should I call it? – bluntness.
There are definitely times when I do the wrong thing by my horses ,mostly because in the moment I cannot think of anything better to do and it is impossible to do nothing. Up until now I have not really felt bad or uncomfortable about this, I must have missed the NQR’s. For instance now and again when I am riding the trail leading a pack horse and a couple of spares I find myself in a spot of bother, say I am on a narrow ledge with a cliff on one side and a share drop on the other and a landslide has blocked the trail, in this circumstance with no room to turn around, I did pressure the horses against their will to back up for the kilometre or so needed to get us to a safe place. On another occasion I was crossing a very swift river with four horses in hand when one balked and pulled back, I could not let go because he would have been swept further down the canyon and unable to find a foothold up the bank , was unable to stop and wait or QM with that one horse because the rest of them were forging ahead to safety. I ended up putting tension on all the lead ropes in order to make the crossing. I don’t think I am blind in these types of situations, simply do not know how to do it better, sure I apologise once on safe ground and if possible wait for a lick and chew, follow up with more release work at a later date but is that enough?
Now I know in an ideal world I would not be placing us in these situations but we do these things for a reason, I need their help and cooperation on a day to day basis, we are a working team. It is not always possible to wait for a good day or take one horse at a time.
Mostly these situations happen when I have several horses along, we start out beautifully with a strong connection, but I do not always feel when an individual horse gets distracted, the other horses do not necessarily see the need to be aware of how each other are feeling. The older horses often want to keep on going and not allow the young ones time for processing, the thoughts of some horses swamp those of others, despite my best mixing and matching we get mistakes . In a herd situation it seems to me that the horses use all kinds of strategies to achieve these goals, sometimes holding space, sometimes ignoring, sometimes exerting pressure, not every horse uses the same technique for any one behaviour, so at present observing the herd is not providing me with too many clues.
My questions are,,, How can I better maintain a strong connection with each horse and if the worst happens is it enough to apologise and provide the opportunity to release and relearn after the event? Is there a better way? Is there a technique for passing different requests to different horses at the same time? At the moment I find myself juggling lead ropes and attempting several thoughts at once in an attempt to keep everyone in the loop!
Wo… there’s some BIIIG questions in there! And not all of the are in my area of expertise. I’ve worked my whole herd at liberty at once (that’s 12 horses) with “pay attention to me please” but I was exhausted after getting all their heads out of the lush green grass in a new paddock and just looking at me! 🙂
My THOUGHTS about your questions are – That’s where your leadership comes in. I know I say that co-operation is more important than leadership and that’s still true – but in circumstances like this leadership is what’s necessary and as you’ve described, you get the job done, with the welfare of the group and all individuals in it, in mind. No I don’t think you’ve missed the Not Quite Rights at all in the examples you’ve talked about. I can feel it as I read your story – your posture is right, the pull on the ropes will have a spongey feel to it, your attention is aware of everything and in the moment; your attitude is the welfare of the group and horses understand that concept, so I would expect that that is why there is no Not Quite Right, because there wasn’t actually anything “not right” to feel. So it’s going to be interesting to hear what your discomfort after the event is about, when those insights come in. Please let us know, because you are talking some very deep and meaningful stuff here.
I am sure that there are ways to get better with multiple horses at the same time, but that is not an area of expertise for me. I had to do major re-organisation in my head just to ride Bobby and lead Buck off him. Buck had rarely been the led horse, so to get his co-operation and understanding in that, I had to work with Buck individually to let him know that I was expecting something completely different from him than when he was the riding horse – which for him took a bit of him getting his head around too.
Tuning in to 4 horses at the same time is going to take practice. I had a play a few years ago, and practiced at feed time, feeling when a horse behind my back was sneaking in – like a kids game of “creep”. I started to get pretty good at that and the horses enjoyed trying to beat me too.
In terms of the “pay attention to me please” for four horses at the same time, you’re going to need some kind of signal – maybe a whistle that says “heads up guys, pay attention please” if you whistle easily, or a unique smooching sound that doesn’t mean anything else, or a movement of the rope – although I suspect a sound will work better, cos’ it’s a bit hard to send a different signal down 4 different ropes. As you already know Sue, On Fast Track we develop that “pay attention” signal, gently expanding from at liberty, then into on line and then ridden. You may need to develop that signal separately, then in a group at liberty maybe. The Pignons do it spectacularly, so we know it can be done! Your skill and connection Sue, is so fabulous that I am sure you’ll figure out what works for your unique circumstances. 🙂
So in summary, just as ideas… I think if you break it down into baby steps – each individual horse understanding and acting on a signal that says “heads up folks, somethings happening and I need your attention”, maybe getting that good with two, then three, then four; deepening your inner awareness of first one horse (which I know is already spectacular) but extending that into two at a time and then three and then four. Oooo I feel some BIG stuff coming here, very exciting!
p.s. That thing about the horses themselves using all kinds of strategies for different behaviors – that’s a great validation of my principle that technique can seriously get in the road of connection. Think about that – relying on a technique that you are applying in all circumstances with all horses is a serious disconnection. And there’s a whole blog that I started to write about that already!
Firstly I have to say that I’m in AWE hearing what you’re doing ALREADY with the connection between 3 -4 horses concurrently! I’m wondering, Sue, whether a part of the “guilt” you feel after the event involves a discomfort in asking for what you want/need/require when the circumstances don’t allow for there to be a choice. So the “ask” is really a “demand” but then there feels like a disconnect with the pure sense of partnership because one of the partners isn’t allowed a choice in that instance. I know that for myself I often need to be fluid with my desire to feel an equal partnership and then in certain circumstances morph into being the perfect enlightened mother with a 3 year old who I need to get to do what I want but the demand comes from love and protectiveness rather than impatience, anger, frustration, fear. It’s a hard teeter-totter to stay balanced with in a difficult situation, but it almost sounds to me as if you need to “apologize” to yourself rather than the horse because you’re feeling disappointed in yourself for not being perfect! —- maybe rather than apologizing to your horse after the fact, you might think about thanking him/her for creating another learning situation for you both that will deepen your connection.
Thankyou for your kind words, necessity being the mother of invention we manage, but it isn’t always pretty. Yes I am a perfectionist,(you hit the nail right on the head with that one) stems from childhood and being told that ” if a job is worth doing, it’s worth doing well” . Been working through this one for a while but obviously there are still layers.
Your comment about the ask being a demand and not a choice also struck a chord . Normally when I work with the horses I offer a couple of choices; “today we are going to attempt this, we could do it this way or this, what do you think?………” That way they have some control and involvement and we generally manage to work in harmony together. The situations described above do not allow for this to happen so we are out of our comfort zone before we even start.
Just my two cents here, on the topic of getting our horses in situations that they maybe aren’t prepared for – I totally understand the concept that sometimes we feel like we don’t have a choice, but, in reality, we always do have a choice. I think that it is fantastic that you want solutions to help you better prepare the horses for the unthinkable, just in case it happens, so you set all of you up to succeed and keep the connection at the same time!
Here’s a bit of context for Sue’s comments. She rescues emotionally and physically damaged horses and brings them back to a happy life, with a skill that impresses me very much and her “arena” is hundreds of thousand of hectares of mountainous State Forest.
That is a fascinating topic all by itself – DO we really always have a choice? To go or not to go at all? Or despite the best preparation, which I know Sue does, in a complicated environment like Sue’s mountain country, is there always going to be SOMETHING that requires her leadership and her insistence. To me, the real answer lies in the horses’ reactions to those instances where Sue has to insist that they do something for safety’s sake – are they enriched by the experience?
I guess there is always a choice but in the case of bush fire or flood and the need to move cattle to higher or safer ground I am not going to opt to stay home. As for the horses, surprisingly when I go out to start a days work there is always someone waiting at the gate of the 25 acre paddock. I kind of see that as putting their hand up?
I am honoured by your openness and trust in the community here Sue, to share such deep issues that can trigger all of us to examine ourselves and feel inward for what our own values are. What you are working through right now, is YOUR values, the deep sense of rightness all the way to YOUR soul – and doing it consciously. What a magnificent thing! Our values are so important for us to work out as individuals, rather than just taking on society’s values, or our parents or even our friends – or imposing our own values on others – whether it’s about horses or anything else. If we look around, we can see many areas of society that are not working and THAT will only be solved by people of vision examining their own personal values and beliefs. And hey, I think the same thing might apply to the horses – that they have different things that are important to them also. I value this opportunity to look again at mine and look forward to hearing what comes up for you.
I just want to share something our horse, George, did to work through some old fears and tensions. He is very obliging if you need him to move over for a real reason, but if you start to try and “train” or “practice,” he gets very tense and annoyed. His absolute bete noire was if you asked him to yield his shoulder over. You could stand three feet away, point your pinkie at his shoulder and whisper in your gentlest voice, and he’d pin his ears and tighten his jaw and swish his tail – and yes, he’d move over, but at what cost? One day I had him in the round pen at liberty, just hanging out mostly. One thing he does (hardly ever now) is (was) bite himself when he’d get tense. Anyway, he came up beside me in the round pen so that I was positioned in the hated position next to his shoulder. He then bit himself on the chest. After a moment, I moved away. He returned to the same position and bit himself again. He repeated this action four or five times, and then when he re-positioned himself the last time, instead of biting himself, he sighed deeply and dropped his head. Then we stood together quietly.
OMGoodness June – you have found the place with George where he is searching for his own release – for his own healing. That’s HUGE and very precious. Congratulations to both of you. Give George a big hug of congratulations from me… Do you really realize what a compliment to you that is June? How rare it is for a horse to have such trust in a person AND in the process itself, to search WITH YOU for their own healing? My hat is off to you…
June, that is so beautiful, it makes me emotional, you were a witness to his releasing old tensions
George reprised some of this work today. I took him out for a spot of hand grazing in a lush area and wasn’t very happy with his manners. So every few minutes, I asked him for a “heads up” and asked him to briefly settle calmly before returning to eat. Poor baby was fit to be tied (he has had starvation fears in the past), and there was practically smoke coming out of his ears, but he manfully did what I asked, and it improved over the half hour we were out. But then when I returned him to his pasture and took the halter off, he clearly felt he had some tension release work he had to do! First of all he repeated that gesture of placing me by his left shoulder and biting himself. Then he sighed and dropped his head. Then he set about working on the rest of him. All ll I had to do was stand still in one spot while George moved about so that I was positioned in various spots next to him – by his tail, by his hip, by his ribs, by his shoulder. Once or twice he turned in a complete circle so that every part of him passed in front of me. He moves very carefully when he does this positioning work – slow and precise, never bumping into me, only occasionally grazing me ever so gently. It must have taken him about 15 or 20 minutes to work through it; then he bumped me twice with his head, walked back to the gate, stuck his head over, and was like, “Right then, time for more grazing.” But I had to apologize and explain that I needed to get back to town before rush hour set in.
Ahhh bless him! How was YOUR Not Quite Right while you were doing the MY Grass game?
There’s a couple of possibilities to expand this even further than you already did. You could explore an earlier baby step at liberty with Fast Track Lesson 30. PLUS those old starvation fears – do a Quiet Mind on how you might help him to Release those, because that is absolutely possible. There’s no need for him to be tormented by old trauma. I have some ideas flowing through my head, but ultimately this will be you and him… Email me and share what comes up.
Well, to be perfectly honest, I felt quite all right during the My Grass game! And I think he knew that, which was why he was quite nice about it, even with the smoke coming out of his ears. Before I started doing the My Grass game, he was pulling me and getting ahead of me, and I was feeling Not Quite Right, or Not Right At All. And I think making the decision to do something about it right away was the right decision. I’ll definitely do a Quiet Mind on releasing old fears, and I’ll skip ahead to Lesson 30 to see what’s in there!
thanks jenny and community for such an important discussion. like many people commenting, I was told stories about dominance and hierarchy from books and other horse owners when i first got my mare, and I would try out things I read and they simply didn’t work. My mare told me straight away that whatever it was I was hoping to achieve by wiggling a rope or tapping a stick more strongly wouln’t work as she froze and zoned out, and with the tapping, starting tapping back with her back legs. she was mirroring, and so I quickly stopped. The journey toward trusting my own body and emotions regarding next steps and communication with Sun took nothing less than a very long, dark night of the soul and a new view of life in which I completely trust myself and the universe!
Taking a step back from the horse world, as a society, we give children ritalin because the doctor tells us it’s for the best, eat processed poison because the advert on TV tells us to, vote for governments that fund wars rather than health systems. The root is the same, we don’t trust ourselves to make a good judgement, and we don’t feel strong enough to stand up to peer pressure when we think about bucking the trend (pun intended!).
If I had a penny for every time someone said to to me, how many horses have you trained (1, ish) How many I have I trained (10,000), I’m telling you, that horse needs to be taught a lesson. By which they mean bullying, using painful devices and deprivation in order to break a horse’s spirit. Luckily, these people don’t bother me now.
Living with uncertainty is scary, what works one day might not work the next, your priorities to ride might need to be tampered by how the horse is showing up that day – it’s destabilising, but as we know here, the pay offs are huge, more exhilarating than any ride on a zoned out slave of a horse, because when we show up as present, so does the horse, and that’s where magic lies.
I think you are doing a wonderful job here Jenny, helping people feel and trust the messages they receive, and supporting the journey to authentic communication.
So beautifully written Jo and I love your lead out to how we can make good judgements in the rest of our lives as well as with horses. Did you always look and think for yourself? I was raised to believe none of what I read and half of what I saw (that’s how my mother used to say it), but was very influenced by others anyway. Maybe it’s her influence coming through after all that has me looking at what’s really happening with both health, horse and life issues. I look around the world and say to myself “hello! It’s not working!” Horses have taught me to change things that aren’t working. How about we sit down and put some energy into a REAL solution? Gee do you think us horse people who think like this could solve the problems of the world?
I do think horse people who think like this can change the world, absolutely, because saying out loud that something is not working is like unveiling the acceptable mask of BS, and the first step towards change. personally, I was always like this and my childhood was a battle ground as a result, so learning to work through resistance is a new rewiring process for me that’s working well. I’m linking these themes in my novel that prey prey will be published next year.
Well I loved your blog from when you were in France (? was it) so I’ll look forward to the novel. You can use me as a reader/bouncer if you like!
I know! and imagine the potential if children and young people are taught quiet mind…
Pity we don’t have a quick “like ” button here!
My energy has to be right when I do the “unveil the B.S.” otherwise I seem to just get more resistance. And THAT is the key – I have to work through my own stuff, find the right feel in my heart that has no fear or judgement in it and THEN things have the best chance.
yes, absolutely, and waiting for the not quite right in ourselves, the fear and judgement to pass or transform has its own timescale that can’t be forced. Wow, thank you for the offer, Jenny, I might well take you up on that, thanks!! I want the horse arc to be interesting and relevant to non-horsey people and for horsey people to recognise it too, this is my big challenge for the year fun fun!
” waiting for the not quite right in ourselves, the fear and judgement to pass or transform has its own timescale that can’t be forced. ” EXACTLY! Although we CAN speed it up sometimes with Quiet Mind work, the presence of our horses always makes it easier and support from others is priceless. I am blessed with Caroline, Narel, Holly, Sandra and Corey when I feel impatient to cut through some sort of drama!
Just a big THANK YOU for sharing your thoughts and experiences!
JC – I love your comment about people saying to you “how many horses have you trained?” and “how many horses have I trained?” When I was still just starting my horsemanship journey, and commented to a friend that I had wrongly assumed that a trainer that had so many years more experience that I had, would know better than I did about how to train my horse. My friend gave me a reply which sticks with me still today “Some people have years of experience, and some people have the same year over and over again.” I interpret this now as an observation that horsemanship is a life long journey – if you ever get to the point that you think that you know it all, you are no longer on a journey, and your learning has stopped. It would be incredibly egotistical, regardless of your position or “years” of experience, to assume that you know what is best for everyone and their horses.
I love it! ” Some people have years of experience, and some people have the same year over and over again”. Isn’t that exactly what we are talking about here? Observation of reality that makes experience a growing thing instead of the same year happening over and over again and nothing changing?
i love that – the same year over and over! when you really get into discussions with horse people, the difference in objective or goal is huge and seems insurmountable. the last guy who said that to me was not in an ego battle with me at all, he really didn’t care what I did with my mare, he is a breeder and trainer of eventers in Ireland and has ridden and hunted since he was tiny. i asked him whether he has a favourite at his stud, a horse he enjoys to ride particularly, and he looked at me as if i was mad, really, the concept of relationship or partnership was genuinely alien to him, yet he, i didn’t see him train a horse, might be hugely effective with horses, i don’t know. but, as we know, pushing horses through schedules risks a build up of tension that shows up later on as illness or unsafe behaviour, but i have seen these horses who are taught submission as foals and ‘do’ effectively, going on to win etc but with little connection – machines, and carry alot of fear and tension but to the owners all is well as the horse goes well. it then becomes an ethical question about what we ask of animals but that depends on diverse human sensibilities….
JC – I guess what it comes down to is what is in your heart. I think that we all have different ideas about the relationship that we want with our horses, and about the amount of effort that we are willing to put into maintaining the relationship. When I was at a barn in the city, I had many friends that I know did not think of their horses as machines, but, on the other hand, the level of closeness and connection that they wanted with their horses was, to my way of thinking, so superficial. They petted them and groomed them, and gave them special treats, and turned them out alone in a 50 foot round pen as a special adventure. I know that they truly loved their horses, and they thought they had a special relationship. Of course, I also knew other people that were extremely goal focused, and the horse just seemed to be a tool to use to achieve the goal. But, those same people also loved their horses and thought they had a good relationship with them. Of course, the relationship that they wanted with their horses was much more superficial than would be okay with me, but maybe they didn’t really even realize that so much more was possible. Like the trainer giving you that blank look when you asked if he had a special horse. And, cultivating the relationship doesn’t mean that you never get anything accomplished! The two choices are certainly not exclusive and, in fact, if you prioritize the relationship, I think that any goals will come more easily and consistently in the long run. Definitely hard to balance out these two things!
“Living with uncertainty is scary”! So true, and we do all kinds of things to avoid that – but then often we end up – as you say – living the same thing over and over. After the horses revolutionized my way of doing things, I had an experience of teaching part-time for a year in a small school. .With the kids, I couldn’t put aside the lessons I’d learned from the horses. Ultimately the kids and I chose anarchy – which doesn’t mean I completely relinquished leadership, but that I was equally likely to look to them for leadership. It also doesn’t mean chaos and disorder – it just means there’s no Big Boss. I found that anarchy lead to calmer, more respectful, more cooperative, happier kids. And happier me. However, the “living with uncertainty” part was that there was not going to be any kind of guarantee that we’d get through any predesignated amount of work or curriculum. That was an uncertainty I was prepared to live with, but probably would have been unacceptable to the school if they’d known the extent of what I was doing! However, “free” schools and “democratic” schools (such as Summerhill) do seem to “work.”
You’ll get on with Anna Karin like a house on fire then! She using her horse lessons in the classroom too – with great success. Is that REALLY chaos though, to be working from your connection with the children and responding to what their needs are in the moment? Or is that really divine order?
I didn’t say it was chaos – I said it was anarchy, which DOESN’T mean chaos! Yeah, I think anarchy is divine order.
I also love where you say, “when we show up as present, so does the horse, and that’s where magic lies.” That about sums it up!
Hi. Another thought provoking post – thank you.
I agree with Corey, often our ‘blindness’ comes because someone who is held in high regard said ‘do……’. I too have been guilty of this in the past and so felt a need to apologise to my horse. (But this issue is FAR from confined to the horse world – how else have celebrities got away with the totally unacceptable behaviours they have?). Through this, I have learnt to GO WATCH and ANALYSE a trainer and his/her approach BEFORE I take a horse anywhere near them! I have also learnt to say ‘NO, I know that’s not right for my horse’ – was being told by a ‘well regarded’ western trainer, when my mare was being less than her usual obliging self, to ‘.. just b… kick it’. I didn’t – I got off, took her home and 2 days later she blew a hoof abscess! I later went to WATCH a very highly regarded and successful American reining champion and what I saw going on made me feel sick, so I left, but most of the audience were in total awe and just could not / WOULD not see the abuse the horses were being subjected too. Such ‘hero worship’ makes people blind and risks not just perpetuation but accentuation of bad techniques by people who may have even poorer judgement and timing than the ‘guru’.
How do we address it? Less than easy BUT DO-ABLE through education and people like you Jenny, as well as a guy on YouTube (forgotten his name at this moment – he has produced so great videos picking up on some VERY well know, and unknown, folk working horses which he then talks VERY honestly about, making the viewer think and reconsider what they are watching – one of his most recent ones incl a clip from the Buck Brannaman video). Thanks again. Alison
Does this guy manage to walk that fine line between observation and judgement? Or at least TRY to? If so, you are welcome to put a link to one of the videos here.
Jenny – agree that there can be such a danger of being so critical of others that we can lose the positive message that we are trying to share. Focus on the positive, not the negative, yes?
I think it is Fear that makes us blind. Fear of failure, fear of what others may think, fear of losing control, even fear of being different, etc. AND also, when we don’t have the knowledge of other possibilities – we just don’t know what else to do. So, fear and ignorance.
Rather than coming from LOVE, and being not just OK, but Proud to be yourself. Get away from peer pressure and do not care what others may think of you. This is YOUR journey – not theirs! “I did it my way” as the song goes.
Lovely Leslie. That’s a big concept “proud to be ourselves”. I have been known to struggle with that occasionally even now. Our journeys are unique to us and copying others is a recipe to feeling like we are not good enough. Of course we’re not good enough when we try to do someone else’s journey!
I had a second thought Leslie. Do you think that when we learn here how to use fear to make ourselves safe and thus separate fear and excitement, that all those other fears (fear of failure, fear of losing control, being different etc) kind of lose their power?
oh that’s a GREAT point!!!
When we are children, so very often we are required (forced!) to move outside our comfort zones before we are ready. When doing the meditation to release from old falls, the fall that I was working with was when I was about 6 or 7 years old – my first fall – when I was required by those responsible for my safety to be in a dangerous situation. And it ended badly. And yet years later, I put my own son in danger in a similar way. How can we better listen to children’s fears? So often they are inconvenient. Yes, it’s easy to see that if your child is afraid of doing something on a horse, you should respect that. But what if they are anxious about being left with a babysitter? You can always tell yourself, “Well, they were afraid, but then they found out that the babysitter was really nice, and it turned out fine.” But did it? You overrode the child’s feelings of Not Quite Right, which are not only to do with actual outcomes but to do with the child’s inner well-being. I think our courts would do well to listen to children’s fears and respect them. So many children are forced to spend time with abusive parents, and the courts disregard their fears. We should learn that the point isn’t to evaluate the reasonableness of the fears (because people can always disagree about that) but to respect the fear itself.
Deep stuff here June and very true. I’ve done a little teaching of children to ride in similar ways to the lessons in Fast Track and wow… they just blossom very quickly. One little girl had her legs moving in sitting trot like Edward Gal (world champion dressage rider)- on her third sitting trot lesson. And all because she was being taught from a place of relaxation from the beginning.
Lesley’s comments struck a chord with me – but things that she described as “fear” sound alot to me like “ego”. “Fear of failure, fear of what others might think. . .”, etc. Although there is truly no place for ego in our relationships with our horses, it is admittedly a challenge to be a human and, in particular, be the type of a human that horses want to connect with and learn from. I am still on that journey, and definitely make mistakes, but I am still traveling the right path, so, with my heart in the right place, I have faith that I am getting closer and closer to what I seek. It always helps me to look at my horse’s eyes – do they look confused, or upset, or worried, or . . . OR relaxed, soft, interested, and attentive?
Ego is SUCH an interesting word! I think there should be maybe four or five different words in the English language rather than just the one word “ego”. I did a lot of thinking about this a while back and this is what I came up with. Much of my journey of recent years has been about eliminating all those things that I had made “wrong” and understanding the big picture behind them, seeing how each of these things were laid into the big scheme of life. And ego is one of those things that popped up in my musings. I came to understand that what I had previously considered someone with a big ego, was actually someone without enough ego, who actually didn’t have ENOUGH confidence and didn’t value themselves ENOUGH. What do you think of that?
Agree with the lack of confidence example. In that example, it is like the “ego” comes across as bluster or fake confidence. I don’t think that ego is a bad thing at all, it is comes from strong sense of self and right. But, if it shows itself as being afraid of what someone else thinks, etc, it is really not helping us be our best selves. You have given me a more refined way to think about it – have to muse on that awhile myself! Thank you!
I realized later in the day after I had written that comment, that the insight about ego actually came in an ahhaaa moment when I was in the process of resolving some kind of struggle and that with that insight came the rest of the picture – that a person who has what we traditionally call a “big ego” really has NO IDEA of their magnificence and it’s actually their BIG FAT Not Quite Right that they are feeling about themselves that feels so yucky to us. And that yucky feeling is just another Not Quite Right for ME to understand for MYSELF, because otherwise their ego problems would only trigger compassion. Does that make sense? I LOVE it that the lessons horses bring me, bring such expansiveness and feeling good in the rest of my life!
Agreed! I think people who seem to have huge egos (not naming names but maybe begins with T and rhymes with slump) are really relying on the trappings and the clothing of splendor and greatness. They have to cover themselves with something, because they have no faith that the underlying reality is worth anything.
I was watching someone work with a pony around the mounting block. She was so patient and yet somehow, I sensed that the timing of the “good boy” was off and the horse was confused now. In a way, this kind of over-patience struck me as another kind of mess up we humans do. What do you feel about this?
I think the problem is when technique is getting in the way of connection, Kathy. Does that make sense? She has the TECHNIQUE right – what you are describing sounds like exactly what I would do. But if she wasn’t doing it from her FEEL, from her CONNECTEDNESS to her horse, then it’s like it’s being done without real communication and that would explain why the horse seemed confused. I have a blog about this half written already.
So true!
Totally agree with Jenny’s comment on this. But, I think that I would add that it doesn’t necessarily mean that her technique was interfering with her connection – her timing may have been off, she may not have been standing in the right position to be understood, or maybe what she was doing didn’t make any sense to the horse – Kathy didn’t say if the horse was saddled and the woman was actually planning to mount. You can have a great connection with your horse, but that doesn’t mean that you are always effective in your communication. Great topic for a Blog post, though, and really looking forward to seeing that one, Jenny!
Timing IS a connection thing, as is knowing when you’re in the right position or not. Smiling here – they ALL come back to connection and the FEEL of that connection in the moment. This is why I focus so much on all the different ways in which we uniquely feel our connection to our horse and foster that in every way that I can think of – because it solves ALL these things.
What a great stuff, Jenny! As it has been always, this is just the one I needed. Thanks Jenny and others for your helping me to understand the things deeper !
Isn’t it funny how we are all so connected that the right thing for you pops up in my blog and the right thing for Bobby and I pops up in Oliver’s journey. Life is wonderful! Don’t be too hard on yourself Haruko – you are doing an increasingly good job under very difficult circumstances!
Great stuff – I so agree with what everyone has said, the amount of times I have also had the hesitation in the gut while asking my horse to do what the instructor is asking – one famous one has been heard many times to say ‘sacrifice your first horse while working through the levels’ not an accurate quote but you get my meaning, and oh so sad that appears to his system to be necessary. Just thank you Jenny for your different way and attitude, and I hope that this gentle attitude will filter through into the rest of the horse world one day
Actually that’s a good example Mary. Why would we think that it’s OK to ruin a horse for our own learning? What happened to “My horse is my teacher”? Which is the creed of all the great Master Horse people. In my experience, when we have that ” my horse is my teacher” approach – when learning together is a TWO WAY STREET – we CAN’T stuff them up.
Bobby was my horse that was supposed to be unfixable after I stuffed him up in the same style you’re talking about. Thank God that’s not true and that we CAN fix the things that we stuffed up and in fact do it even better, with a better bond than if we (or anybody else) had never stuffed it up in the first place.
Sue’s got a great technique for dealing with instructors in a lesson when they tell her to do something that she doesn’t agree with. She just pretends she doesn’t hear them, feels into herself for what they’ve said that DOES feel right and goes her own way. That way she gets the knowledge that she’s after, without betraying her horse and everything she knows to be right.
And invariably the instructor yells out some version of “Yes! Yes! That’s what I meant! Perfect!” when she actually hasn’t done what they asked her to do at all. Actually I’ve heard a few people talk about doing it like that now. We CAN short cut by picking up knowledge from other people and applying Sue’s technique for dealing with conflict with our own knowing.
Love this idea from Sue. Selective hearing. 🙂
Mary – I can’t believe that any true horsemanship would even think that any horse’s experience should be intentionally sacrificed for the sake of our own advancement. I have heard it said, though, that it can sometimes feel like that’s what we have done, especially in hindsight. When I started natural horsemanship, knowing absolutely nothing, I made LOTS of mistakes, and certainly I blamed the horse – worst thing to do ever. But, we don’t know what we don’t know, until we know it. 🙂
Addendum: A corollary that just occurred to me to this issue — and inspired by your (Jenny’s) response to the video I’d sent to you demonstrating the techniques of a well-respected trainer here — is why, and then how, does one respond to people to genuinely believe their own inner guidance system is “correct”, and yet when any outsider looks at what that person feels to be correct and is immediately slammed in the gut (i.e. their own inner guidance system) that what is shown is utterly abusive and/or at the very least misguided? Recall our flipped-out drama from much earlier days between fellow students of Thru The Grace Of The Horse — everyone, one would have assumed would have been on the same page of knowing quiet mind, inner guidance, blah, blah, blah —— and even then one person’s inner guide saw nothing inappropriate whilst another saw utter incompetence/abuse. I think so much of our inner guidance is determined not only by our capacity for empathy and connectedness to the Universe/Source (whatever), but also by our own personal library of knowledge. Okay, shutting up now……
No need to shut up at all – this is a BIG issue and worthy of much discussion.
There is something that happens when we don’t have expertise in something and don’t have complete confidence in our Inner Guidance system either (I think THAT is the big key) and that has us turning our power over to another, who may or may not have exactly the right answer for us. (How interesting that we should be talking about that on International Women’s Day? Because I see women as more likely than men to do that.)
So to the big question – how do we deal with/respond to people who think that what they are doing is right and good and yet we see it as abusive? In my experience, compassion starts first with a desire to have compassion, to see the Big Picture, the WHY, behind everything. We all see things through the eyes of our own history when we are in our head space. For me to come out of that head space and into my inner knowing, I keep noticing what to know or do about how crappy I feel when I see that abuse (for example), until I feel my heart chakra expanding with unconditional love. THAT’s when I know I’m really at the bottom of what I need to know or do to deal with or help someone else. That’s when whatever I do or say is coming from love and completely in harmony with them and me too and everything else in the universe.
And THAT made me smile because just last week, I was Quiet Minding my way through a problem and felt my heart chakra open up further and bigger and stronger than ever before with a huge whoompf. So THAT makes me wonder if this lovely journey of self discovery ever stops?
Corey – I think that everyone’s horsemanship journey is their own. I have definitely never gotten anywhere by trying to tell someone that what they are doing is wrong, or mean to the horse – that just sounds like I am trying to dominate them, no different than their trainer might be doing that is resulting in the harsh treatment. Wanting a different approach has to come from their own heart.
Yep… And how can we create opportunities for that?
That’s a good question! My theory is that there are a lot of people that are doing things with their horses that don’t feel right to them, but they just don’t know that there is another way. Its like their heart wants an alternative, but their brain doesn’t know it. Being a good example can sometimes wake those people up – when they can see that someone else has an approach that feels right. I have also been able to help people when they got in a tough spot with a horse, when they were basically desperate for someone to save them, and they can see first hand with their own horse how a different approach can work better. These are tough issues for sure!
Again a quick “like” button would be useful!
Yep that being a good example thing is worth its weight in gold… 🙂
In my case my teachers always said we should not let our horses dominate us, hence the idea is that we should have the power and must force the horse to do what we want them to do. From there on, all kinds of terrible attitudes by the rider in order to force the horse.
You are right too Alice. I heard that same idea too. It doesn’t matter what kind of pretty names you call it, in this case, it’s still using a rope to hit the horse in the head to FORCE him to back up. How did I not see that? Well… that’s a silly question really. I know how. I was so bogged down in MY OWN stuff, that I couldn’t hear/see/understand my horse. Corey’s right, when we disconnect from ourselves, when we are disconnected from our own Inner Wisdom, from our own guidance then what else are we to do except be guided by others?
Love Jenny’s and Corey’s comment about it being so important to stay connected with your own inner guidance system. So, do we think that, inside us are all of the right answers, if we can just stay connected so that we can hear them? Hum … Super interesting.
Smiling … I KNOW, all the way to my bones and with lots of validation, that inside us all are the right answers in the moment if we can just stay connected and hear the messages. Sometimes we don’t have enough information and that information needs to unfold and in my experience, that happens beautifully too when we just keep our eyes open to notice that book or that line ion a movie, or that thing that someone says, whatever. If unfolding of information is what needs to happen, then that answer itself, will feel good.
WONDERFUL topic!! My initial reaction to the question of “what makes us blind” is the disconnect within ourselves first, before looking at the obvious disconnect between us and our horse. I remember SO clearly also watching and doing all sorts of things that were taught to me by that day’s latest-greatest expert over the decades: and even to this day I can remember that at the time I felt a distinctive twinge of not-quite-right and inner discomfort. But of course I was too unevolved at those life junctures to think my own inner voice was worth listening to and simply bowed/cowed to the “expertise” I was paying for. Which I suppose is why these days I’m so adamant about “preaching” the necessity of learning the quiet mind techniques, tuning into your inner guidance, and trusting your own NQRs.
You’ve hit the nail on the head Corey. I think it IS a disconnect from OURSELVES and our own Wisdom, our own KNOWING of what’s right or not from our own horses.
Hi Jenny,
Great article…I too have experienced these same blind moments. I believe that for some of us, we do these things to our horses in a kind of blind faith state. This exact practice was one of seven games, I learned many years ago in a Natural Horsemanship course, which sounded like a good theory at the time. BUT with this particular game – it never felt quite right – but I trusted the experts and did as instructed. I felt horrible every time I ‘played’ this game – no matter how gentle I tried to be. I could never figure out the good in it (at all) and was soon looking for alternative ways to teach the same thing – in a friendly manner. Glad you brought this up because I feel strongly that there are much more positive and FUN ways of getting a horse to back up! And here too, I thank you Jenny for all I have learned, and continue to learn from you!
I’ve been working with Bobby over the last few days with that “game”, in a very gentle way, to find a point of release for him to release the trauma I caused. We found some release, but I haven’t got through to the bottom of it yet. I’m thinking the clues are going to be in the discussion here.
What a good post and I will come back with my thoughts when I have put them into words.
I belive/know that it is importent to forgive ourselves for things we have done when we couldn´t see the outcome of it and give the horses time to heal.
I have understood that Ameri K, who is still in his process of healing, is now healing from things that has happened in earlier life and he can do so know because we are letting him and I can sence that it has to do with disconnection and that is why he has to be sure to make things right before he does anything and then it is easier to escape through damage his body. Wow, I didn´t know this when I started to write this comment! Wow
A big hug to you; Jenny!
I wish you were closer so I could give the hug to you, but I hope you feel it!
I could feel that hug Anna Karin! Thanks! What you have said is SUCH a big deal – for Caretaker Horses specially, it’s easier to escape through damage to the body.
When I read my answer to you for Lena tears just bubbled up through my eyes. It is such a big releas in me after understanding this.
Jesus says in the Bible:”Forgive them, they don´t know what they do”. “They where blind, they couldn´t see.” When we are connected to ourselves and to the source, universe…. and since that source is pure love, we bring more love with us, we get more emotional, and everything else that comes with love. And when we act from that source of love we can see what makes disconnection and connection.
Anna-Karin that is simply gorgeous. Are you sure YOU wouldn’t like to write this blog? You and Leslie have both hit the nail on the head. Love – unconditional love – and the connection that comes with it, is the answer to the blindness.
I will think of it, writing a blog. I will sit down and give me some time to start writing and we will see what happens! I will let you now. I have just joined an online course here in Sweden. It is called “The authentic wisdom of the horse” and “Authentic communication with the horse”. It will be very interesting.
Your own ideas will be even more interesting. I’ll look forward to it!
If you have an idea or a thought what I am going to write about you are welcome to share it with me. It can be something to start with but what happens when I start writing will be a surprise for all of us! I guess…. 😉
I am always drawn to talking about how you apply this horse work to children in your classroom who have difficulties. Maybe you could write about that? It is so powerful to be able to help others in an EMPOWERING way, knowing that the ideas that flow in the moment are perfect for them. And as you say – where that flows then, will be God’s guidance I guess!
Oh, if I had a pound for every time I had done something like that with a horse in the past and subsequently regretted it, I’d be rich! But that doesn’t mean that I am a bad person. I have always done the best that I know how at the time, and I always continue to strive to learn more, and be better. So why did I do those things that I regretted back in the past? – because I knew that I had to do something, but didn’t have the knowledge to know exactly what to do at that very moment. Or possibly, a very very long time ago, because I was frustrated and didn’t know what best to do. Nowadays, I stop when things aren’t going as I think they should, go quiet, listen to and observe my horse, try to see the situation from his point of view, and mostly a good course of action pops into my head whilst I am doing this 🙂
I think you’re right Chris, we always did the best we know how to do in the moment. And that Quiet Moment – A Quiet Mind when things aren’t going as we want them, is SUCH a blessing to be able to do effectively. Forgiveness of myself has been a big deal too. I’ve found that forgiveness for myself is a key to forgiving others and that’s always a good deal.