In the last couple of pages we’ve talked about jumping into people’s whirlpools and multiplying misery. So how can we best support people through their change places on the way to their own goals and dreams without being stuck in feeling sorry for them, without jumping into their whirlpools, without multiplying misery and without making ourselves unwell too?
The answer to that is going to be as individual as the person we’re supporting and our own life skills.
We can use that simple outward breath, smiling, curiosity process that we’ve used before, when we notice ourselves feeling sorry for someone and find our own inner guidance about how best to support that person’s change places on the way to their own goals and dreams.
Or if the “less than 30 seconds to change your life” version isn’t working for you this time, then here’s a more supported option. This whirlpool thing can be a big deal, specially to the nurturing personalities and the caring professions.
While you’re reading, slooooow down and read the following words slowly and deliberately.
Pay gentle attention to your outward breath for a few breaths.
That’s it… feel me smiling, you know the drill by now… reading sloooowwww…. and at the same time notice the way that the lower part of your ribs move on that outward breath – the way that the ribs just kind of squash the air from your lungs. And you’re not doing that on purpose, you’re just smiling a little bit and noticing for a breath…
… and another breath…
… and another…
Still with your gentle attention on your outward breath, notice what changes on the inside of you when you smile with your eyes just a little. Ahhh even after all these exercises, you can still feel the feeling of the smile hey? Just notice the effect of that smileyness for a breath.
… and another breath…
… and another…
Through those whirlpool stories you got curious about the idea that being stuck in feeling sorry for someone can be just as detrimental to yourself as it is to them, keeping both of you stuck in your change places. You might not know the truth about that yet, but your curiosity has got that truth coming.
We talked about how we can throw people a life line when they’re so overwhelmed that they can barely see the next step in front of them. Can you find curiosity about the truth or not of the idea “Is showing people they’ve got choices, just like throwing them a lifeline?”
How best can you support this person?
Still breathing and smiling a little with that curiosity, as you notice all the thoughts and feelings that you are experiencing and be curious about what those thoughts and feelings are telling you.
And another breath…
and another…
We’re already open to the idea that some of our feelings will be from experiencing our lovely connection to others. We have the Magic Questions tucked in the back of our mind, knowing that simple curiosity will bring those answers to our consciousness. We already know that some of what we’re feeling might be old buried feelings that are irrelevant to what’s happening now.
And another outward breath
And another.
Knowing that curiosity about whatever we’re feeling will bring the answer or the understanding.
Ahhhh and smiling for just another breath…
… and another breath…
… and another…
When you’ve found your curiosity about all the feelings that come up when you’re thinking about this person, have a wriggle and a stretch, flex your feet as you allow your body to process the changes that may have been happening in your body and drink lots of water!
I’ve opened the comments for questions and sharing.
If you still have trouble with stuck in feeling sorry for others, bring it into a Live Event and put your hand up for some help. You’ll need a good internet with a microphone headset for best results.
This photo by Leonie Leighton of her beloved sheep in New Zealand made me laugh when I picked it for this email – Don’t be a sheep following someone else into their misery – be their catalyst for the kind of change that will help them reach their dreams instead. I laugh at that common idea of sheep – they are sooo much smarter than we think they are!

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