Following on from the diagram of escalating upsets. So… does that mean that the best result is got from Fred speaking his mind – spouting off about what he thinks and feels?
Errr … no… That would probably make his friend defensive and produce the opposite result to what Fred is trying to do, which is to be a good friend.
It takes just one of the parties in an upset, to want to understand what’s really going on here, to pause, breathe, get curious about whatever they’re feeling and pfft! that’s the sound of your end of the upset just over – that’s YOUR peacefulness – and that’s the escalation over.
From that point, we may or may not be guided to say anything at all. The other person can still be doing their stuff, but we’re no longer adding to it – in fact we’re creating a safe “place”, a safe or safer feeling from which they can find their perfect solution.
That’s peace in our corner of the earth right there. Bringing our awareness to what we’re feeling with any interaction with someone else, where we’re willing to understand where they’re really coming from, that’s peace in our little corner of the earth right there…
So how do we get that peace in our corner of the earth?
Curiosity is the start. “Is that true?” Can we really de-escalate an upset by understanding our connection to others with the guidance of our own feelings?
Willingness to suspend our judgement of right and wrong and blame is another key to success. “What are my feelings telling me about this person and this situation?” And if you need the added incentive “What are my feelings telling me about this person and this situation that will help me through this change place as I create or change the things that I care about.”
Find curiosity about every aspect of that upset as it comes up, until you have inner peace around it.
This photo of her dog Luna was taken by Robyn Hood of TTouch and TTeam fame. I have long admired Robyn’s skill and knowledge about dogs and horses both. The balanced leash leading that Robyn is demonstrating in the video below saved my Maremma’s life. She was born with crooked legs and this leading combined with my “perfect posture” work suggested by Robyn, strengthened her legs and saved us from putting her down with chronic pain and lameness at six months old. You’re welcome to ask me how in a live event one day. Click on the picture for Robyn’s video.
