If you’re on a phone and this diagram isn’t clear enough to read easily, then there’s a longer written explanation on this page.
Start reading this diagram from the bottom left hand corner where it says “start here”.
Understanding what I call escalating upsets and their opposite, being able to DE-escalate upsets, is at the heart of a much more peaceful and happy life and that’s one of my biiigggg Aussie understatements.
In our normal everyday connection to others, our unspoken words and the energy behind them if we’re upset, can have an impact much greater than the spoken word and more damaging, because the people on the other end usually have no idea why they’re feeling so crappy.
This is such a big deal in conflict resolution that it’s worth pausing here and getting curious about the truth or not of the statement “Our unspoken words and the energy behind them if we’re upset, can have an impact much greater than the spoken word.”
The diagram shows the escalation that happened in a real situation with Fred and his lady friend who rang him for advice about her horse, but who was probably feeling too vulnerable to admit that she had a big problem developing.
Fred was trying to be a good friend by speaking supportive words, when he was actually annoyed that she kept ringing him for advice but didn’t ever take it and he was very worried about this nice horse who he saw could end up in a can of dog food for no fault of his own.
Understanding escalating upsets is such an important concept to conflict resolution, that I’ve got a much bigger explanation on this page, plus a little treat. 🙂
Next we’ll talk about what it takes to DE-escalate!