Photo: Weaning or a traumatic separation from their horse family is the most common cause of what we call herd bound horses or horses who suffer separation anxiety. Lucky it’s all fixable with a lot of understanding and a bit of effort. Cynthia Cooper (pictured here) has a lovely video about weaning and foal handling that would help you avoid these pitfalls with any of your own foal/s and I’ve put one of Carolyn Resnick’s articles about foal weaning into Extra Lessons from Jenny on the forum.
Weaning trauma is not the only reason for separation anxiety though – sometimes it’s what happens AFTER they’ve been taken away from their herd mate that’s the problem.
AND
Separation anxiety affects EVERY part of your relationship, your handling and your riding. It causes tension that does not disappear when you put your foot in the stirrup – that tension becomes a horrible foundation that everything else is built upon.
So folks… have I emphasized the importance of fixing this well, enough? 🙂 🙂
The Lesson
Just a few days ago when I was writing this lesson, I was on the receiving end of an experience with a rearing, plunging horse, who was beside herself because her herd mate was being ridden away. It took all of my skills to handle the situation. It wasn’t a happy experience even for an experienced horseperson like me and I had a couple of split second scarey moments when I got flashes of how much further she could have taken this upset if she wanted to.
Having a friend taken away can be so stressful. When my Bobby was a baby – he got so distressed when the horse next door went to pony club, that he had a colic attack and needed the vet.
So there are many good reasons to address this problem, not the least of which is that EVERY layer of tension adds on to the next layer of tension and all of those tensions from whenever they were stuck in there, will get in the way of you riding together as one being and because of that, EVERY kind of stress gets in the way of fast tracking those big dreams.
It is best to start addressing this problem when OUR horse is leaving the herd first, when the distress will be minimised. It is difficult to get positive behaviours in the “Oh Shit” Zone!
This is definitely a job to be done ahead of time.
A reminder about the importance of YOUR version of Not Quite Right.
I’m not going to go into that great big list of all the ways that you could be experiencing your Not Quite Right in every lesson – but here’s the short version:
What way do YOU – UNIQUELY and differently to EVERYone else – experience your inner guidance system? Keep your heart open to notice how YOU feel inside, that could be YOUR HORSE’s breathing, heartrate, tension, tense posture, yucky feeling energy, anxiety, frustration or worries.
These are ALL ways that you can experience your Not Quite Right – ALL ways that you can experience your connection to your horse depending on your natural talents.
Before you start this lesson
By now, you have practiced moving your imaginary horse around while you worked with a human. And if you haven’t done that yet, then remember what a big deal those smooth hands are – because even you advanced people would be surprised at how much benefit you can get out of practicing with a human.
You cannot get or even expect softness from your horse until your hands are smooth, with no push or pull for your horse to brace against or resist. And we should have bells going off as you read that last sentence because it’s so darned important!
You cannot get or even expect softness from your horse until your hands are smooth, with no push or pull for your horse to brace against or resist.
By now, you have also got your coordination happening, you know how to hold the rope safely, you’ve practiced rotating your body and stroking the rope firmly. You have practised working in all kinds of situations without putting a jerk or a pull on the rope. You are aware of the effect that the position of your body has and you’ve released your horse’s old stuff about the feel of the halter. Whew!
So now you are in a good position to lead your horse away from their mates.
Be aware that leaving their mates can be the source of chronic Not Quite Right for many horses – even if their reactions are not as big as the horse I was holding the other day.
And remember – it is MUCH harder to hear a new Not Quite Right if there is already an existing one. And just in case you didn’t notice – THAT was another one of those very important points made with just one short sentence.
It is MUCH harder to hear a new Not Quite Right if there is already an existing one.
You could find yourself facing the three stages of change here with this task too – RELEASE, RE-LEARN and RE-PROGRAM. So if you find yourself waiting a long time for The Chew, you will know that your horse is in the stage of releasing an old stress, upset, resistance or even trauma.
If you need to review these three stages, then review Fast Track Lesson about haltering.
Also before you start this lesson.
Here is an excellent video of Holly and Gunny doing this exercise. Caro said on the forum, “It’s a beautiful example of Holly using her NQR, even though to us mere mortals, it all looks soft and calm, Holly honoured her Not Quite Right which allowed Gunny to release whatever was there for him to release, and the result was a connected and harmonious experience. The thing that stood out for me was the time and space bubble… there was no “just getting the job done” for this exercise, and I think these layers are crucial to building our relationship of trust and bondmanship”
When you follow your good feelings and use your early warning signal that something is Not Quite Right, for change – then fixing your separation anxiety WILL look this harmonious.
Now it’s your turn
Click here for the alternate recording (To download, right click and save.)
To get the most from this Lesson, you may like to review the following lessons (in the audio they are referred to by their old FYHH numbers):
– Brush up on rotating your body to help your horse get a soft back up.
– Establish good habits of awareness while they are loose in the pasture
– Expand those good habits into the halter work.
Written Version of the Audio
OK, you’ve got your connection with each other happening, you’ve got your quiet mind / inner awareness happening when you want it, your horse knows how to step off the halter softly, you know how to bring your horse back to you if they lose attention on you and now you are ready to bring that horse out of the paddock or pasture or yard or stable or barn and leave their mates behind.
Hmmm… now how do you do THAT and still have your horse in a Comfort Zone – especially if they tend to be herd bound?
Lucky there is a simple answer to that question and it doesn’t require you to sit in the paddock and only admire them like the beautiful ornaments they are. 🙂
You start this process off by taking THEM away from their mates which is nowhere near as stressful as having their mates taken away from them.
All you have to do is lead them out of the paddock, the stable, the yard, the barn. AND AS SOON AS YOU FEEL A NOT QUITE RIGHT, go back (probably to where you started the first time), stop and wait for The Chew the first time – and wait for as long as it takes.
You can turn around by holding the rope and walking towards the hindquarters like you did in Fast Track Lesson 34. You can back your horse up from a touch, by rotating gently from side to side like we did in Fast Track Lesson 33. You can back them up by standing beside them and softly lifting the rope upwards to ask for a back up as if you were in the saddle.
The arrow in this photo from Bobby’s Diaries shows the direction that you need to lift the rope in to avoid pulling.
When you are teaching back up from the ground, you can use your hand on your horse’s chest to explain what you want. We’ll cover teaching a really good back up, in detail in a separate lesson.
And all these things you should teach, practise and get happening when your horse is in their Comfort Zone – INSIDE the paddock, the stable, the yard or the barn, so that they know how to do these things BEFORE you take them out to the Not Quite Right of the Not Too Sure Zone.
Some of you won’t even get out the gate of the yard or the door of the stable before you feel the energy changing and the Not Quite Right start. And that is totally OK. Some of the most spectacular changes I have seen in manners as well as happiness with the horse happened with those kind of tiny baby steps – and it didn’t take that long either.
In the case I am thinking of, the horse was a rearing, plunging, leaping around nightmare to bring out of his stable and yard and his owner had a pussy cat on the end of the lead leading him around the arena in about an hour and a half. It was the best hour and a half she ever spent and the one that gave her the most safety.
In her case because the horse’s behaviour was so extreme, I had her take off the halter and turn him loose again to wait for The Chew. She had to take the halter off and step out of the yard, to take enough pressure off him for she and he to find a Comfort Zone again. You’ve got to do whatever it takes to find a Comfort Zone again.
Once your horse has had the opportunity to release any old trauma or resistance from being taken away from their mates, you can work in patterns.
You can start to come away from their mates and as soon as you feel a Not Quite Right you turn around and go back to where it feels OK again, then turn and go forward away from their mates again, feel the Not Quite Right, turn around and go back towards the beginning. (Once you have waited for The Chew you should be able to actually turn around the second time rather than back up.)
Depending on how extreme a case your horse is, you may want to stop that pattern every now and again for another Chew. And remember – if it takes a long time to Chew then your horse is no doubt processing old trauma or resistance and this time spent standing there with them, doing nothing, will be the most productive and useful time you ever spend with your horse.
If YOUR Comfort Zone and skill level is large – then you can stretch the time that your horse feels Not Quite Right before you turn around and go back.
But if your Comfort Zone is small, then turn around and go back straight away. You will still get the same result in the end, it will just take a little longer.
And don’t forget Lesson 25. If at any time your horse doesn’t have attention on you, use the same techniques that you established in Lessons 23 and 25.
As you walk your horse to where you feel Not Quite Right and then turn around and go back again, you will create a pattern – probably a circular shape of some kind. Once that pattern is established, you can take that pattern with you and work further and further away from their mates – no longer going back to the beginning and walking further and further away from their mates.
When you have helped your horse develop a Comfort Zone leaving their herd and coming with you – then you are ready for the next step – taking their friend away from them and we’ll cover that in the next Lesson.
Up Next
In the next Lesson, we will change the focus of this exercise by taking your horse’s friend away from them and getting that into their Comfort Zone.